Tag Archives: spadge

SOZ SATIRE’S WONDERFUL WORLDWIDE WORLD OF WONDER

spaceman

by Danny SoZ aged 19

You know spacemen? Well, apparently, whenever they go up in space they carry a tube full of their own semen with ’em in a special pocket in their spacesuit.

This is in case they land on a planet with aliens on it and want to breed with ’em to create a mutant human/alien being. Obviously, they won’t be able to shag ’em normally because they can’t take off their spacesuit on account of the fact that they’d float away into space due to the zero gravity, plus the air in space would kill ’em. So, what they do, is hand the tube full of spadge to the woman alien who then squirts it up her growler with a turkey baster or something along those lines.

The spaceman then gives the mother-to-be his mobile phone number so she can tell him when she’s had the sprog and send him a few pics etc.

Absolutely true that is. A fat geezer down the pub told me.

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THE CASEBOOK OF SPUNKY WOODS: THAI LADYBOY & MASTURBATION GURU TO THE STARS

Basic CMYK

Dear Spunky

I wonder if you could help me with a rather singular problem that’s been playing on my mind a fair bit lately.

The thing is, I own a small children’s zoo in a built up area of London where the local youngsters can come to observe small animals in a fairly natural environment. We have rabbits, guinea pigs, voles, ducks, geese and various other water fowl for the children to enjoy.

The only thing that concerns me is the lack of sexual activity available to the creatures themselves. Some of the males have paired off with females for sure, but that still leaves quite a large number of young males with no romantic attachment whatsoever.

So basically, I was wondering if there was some way I could help these “singletons” to enjoy a semblance of sexual pleasure and subsequent release in the absence of a partner.

Your help would be most welcome on this one Spunky as it’s been a real worry to me just lately.

Yours Faithfully

Bob Carter

London E2

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Dear Bob

As a Thai ladyboy and masturbation guru of over 25 years standing, yours is a problem I’ve encountered on countless occasions and my answer is always the same on this one.

Firstly, you need to buy a copy of The Observer’s Book Of British Wildlife from any good bookstore. Following this, simply snip out the small, thumbnail pictures of the females of each individual species. For instance, if you were catering for a hedgehog, cut out as many photos of females as you can and bind them together with a small length of twine to make a rudimentary magazine. Then simply leave this ad hoc, softcore grumble mag in the creature’s nest or burrow before it retires for the night. I guarantee that before you can say “hairy palms”, the little chap will be happily blasting ribbons of hot spadge all over the show on a nightly basis, or, in the case of nocturnal animals, during the daylight hours. I hope this sets your mind at ease Bob and that your zoo will be a much happier and sexually-fulfilled place for all its unattached inmates.

All the very best

Spunky x

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