A “moisturist” pictured last night prior to another gruelling day arranging his wife’s frilly pants into neat little piles before putting them away in the drawer.
A nationwide survey conducted by a leading cosmetics manufacturer has revealed that males who routinely use grooming products, such as moisturiser, fake tan, exfoliating mitts etc, are at least 20 times more likely to help their wives or partners do the household chores.
She’s The Boss Ltd, who sampled over 10,000 men in Great Britain and Northern Ireland, also revealed that men who use beauty products are far more likely to be interested in interior design, flower arranging, netball, skipping through meadows with flowers in their hair, Bette Davis movies, cookery and in-depth, heart to heart talks about relationships. The survey also revealed that three quarters of the men surveyed and who owned up to using grooming products spoke with a slight lisp and adopted a strange, mincing gait when they walked.
We tried to get a comment from the CEO of The Brtish Council Of Moisturists, who represent the country’s ever-burgeoning male grooming exponents last night, but his wife told us rather brusquely that he was going nowhere until he’d reduced the ironing pile by at least a half.
“I gotta big face”
There was widespread concern in the world of male grooming yesterday when the latest figures revealed that stocks of moisturiser had descended to an all-time low after pop icon Olly Murs ordered over 500 tonnes to be delivered to his luxury Essex home on Monday of this week.
It is believed that Murs, 15, employed a work gang of over 200 beauticians, who worked tirelessly over four days, massaging the skin toning application into his gigantic face.
A spokeswoman for Nivea, who supplied the material and workforce for the herculean task, told us last night. “It was an enormous undertaking to moisturise Olly’s massive dial but we were determined to succeed. We used an industrial muck spreader to spray the cream onto his enormous face before teams of up to 50 girls, working in 10 hour shifts, rubbed it into his pores, some of which were more than a metre in diameter. We got there in the end though and the big smile on Olly’s gigantic clock was reward in itself for all our hard work”
Murs, who is currently being deployed in the search for missing Malaysian airliner, flight MH370, where his big eyes are proving invaluable in scanning the sea bed for debris, said last night. “I’m obviously sorry that world moisturiser stocks are depleted but I have to say all that cleansing and toning has proved an absolute boon given that I’m having to dip my gigantic dial in the drink for hours on end”
This latest revelation comes just two weeks after cotton stocks almost ran out when Simon Cowell had a new pair of his gigantic trousers made in a specially converted aircraft hangar in Taiwan.