Tag Archives: Boxing


Calvin Brock v Zuri Lawrence

It was announced earlier today that outspoken world boxing champion, Tyson Fury, will fight controversial Republican presidential hopeful, Donald J. Trump, for the World Bigotry Championship early in the new year.

Both men, notorious for their narrow, right-wing stance on a range of topics, ranging from abortion to gay rights and equality for women, are talking up their chances of taking the undisputed crown.

Talking from his home in Manchester, the self-styled ‘Gypsy King’, Fury told reporters: “Trump has a pretty smart mouth for an old guy and I intend to shut if for him. I respect and totally agree with pretty much all he says, but there’s only room on this planet for one king of the bigots and I aim to make sure it’s me”

Meanwhile, speaking from South Carolina where he’s been making a series of hair-raising comments about Muslims, Trump was equally defiant: “I aim to whup this limey sonofabitch, and after I’ve done that, I’m gonna intern his gypsy ass in a secure facility until we find out what the hell’s going on with these Romany fucks”

Under WBC rules, both men will come into the ring unaccompanied where they will be patted down for concealed weapons. They will then go to their corners and sit on their stools while a number of people from diverse ethnic groups, different faiths, and various sexual persuasions, are paraded in front of them.

The winner will be decided by the three judges at ringside – all Daily Express journalists – and will be based on the amount of hate-filled bile the two protagonists spew forth as each minority group is represented in the ring.

The referee on the night will be outspoken media personality, and former world bigotry crown holder, Katie “Vinegar Tits” Hopkins, with commentary and expert ringside analysis from the doyen of Fleet Street’s right-wing hacks, Richard “You Couldn’t Make It Up” Littlejohn, and former undefeated European Bigot Champion, Nigel “The Darkie Destroyer” Farage.

Tickets go on sale from January 2 and will be available on a first-come, first-served basis, provided you’re a British white Christian or All-American and don’t have a depraved sexual appetite for people of your own gender.


Filed under Satire