Tag Archives: arses

SOZ SATIRE’S WONDERFUL WORLDWIDE WORLD OF WONDERS

benjamin 1

You know that Benjamin Netanyahu out of the Israeli government? He can sing using just his arse and regularly performs a medley of tunes during tea breaks at cabinet meetings.

Apparently, he sucks in air through his mouth and expels it from his arse, wobbling his buttocks with his hands to create different notes. His repertoire includes The Rose of Tralee, When You’re Smiling and Thanks For The Memories. He once accidentally lost control of his bowels during a performance but managed to get out of it by telling the other members of the government that he was just clearing his throat.

He can also recreate various sound effects, including Dr Who’s spaceship taking off and the opening cannonade at The Battle of St. Austerlitz. His wife can also do it and they regularly sing their children to sleep using their arses.

Absolutely true that is. My nan told me down the pub.

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Arse Bandits Raid London Museum

buttocks

Plaster mouldings of Kim Kardashians arse were left untouched by the raiders. Police believe they were too heavy to remove.

 

A gang of audacious thieves last night broke into the London Buttocks Museum in Westminster and escaped with a number of arses, some of which were valued at over £10,000. It is believed that the gang gained entry through the back door before smashing cases containing the arses and escaping with their valuable booty.

Amongst the priceless arses taken were those of Archbishop Makarios of Cyprus, President John F Kennedy, Whitney Huston and Sir Stanley Matthews, the legendary Blackpool and England soccer star.

The museum’s curator, Mr Toby Jade, 74, told reporters: “This is a terrible shock to all of us at the museum and I hope the police will catch whoever’s responsible for this and return the arses to us as soon as possible”

Fortunately for the museum, the priceless “Fragment Of The True Arse” which is believed to be a slither of buttock taken from the slain body of Christ by Mary Magdelene in The Garden Of Gethsemane, is currently out of the country and on display in The Imperial Bottom Gallery in Beijing.

This latest raid comes just 2 weeks after the Sheffield Cock And Balls Museum in Yorkshire, was hit by raiders who escaped with genitalia worth more than two million pounds, including the fabled Holy Nob Of St Bartholomew and the priceless Byzantine Bollocks, which were believed to have been removed from the body of Saladin during The Crusades.

Press Association and Clivey.

More cock and ball stories here:

http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire

 

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