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QUEEN VICTORIA GAVE CAPTAIN SCOTT HAND-RELIEF BEFORE POLAR EXPEDITION CLAIMS HISTORIAN

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The saucy royal pictured wiping off some stray flecks of Captain Scott’s spadge following his pre-polar hand shandy

In a sensational speech to The Royal Geographical Society, the noted historian Sir Michael Carter claims to have seen documentary evidence that Queen Victoria masturbated iconic polar explorer, Captain Robert Scott, to completion a week before his first 1901 trek to reach the South Pole “for luck”

Carter told a stunned assembly that he’d gained access to a diary Scott had written in the weeks leading up to the expedition, which told of an audience with the ageing monarch and which ended with her administering hand relief to him as a token of her good wishes before setting off.

According to the diary she then clipped off a small tuft of her pubic hair and told Scott to keep it with him at all times and to show it to other expedition members whenever conditions became seemingly too severe to continue. She advised him that it would rally the men to see royal pubes and would encourage them to redouble their efforts to fulfil their quest.

If found to be true, this would not be the first time a member of the royal family has given sexual favours to a chosen pioneer, as it’s now widely accepted that Queen Elizabeth I gave Sir Walter Raleigh a morale boosting blowjob the day before he set off to discover The New World.

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