Roman Pants Discovered Beneath Whitechapel Woman’s Shed

The Whitechapel Whelk

stone pants Pantimus Maximus: The stone keks of Tiberius pictured last night

The world of archeology was in a state of high excitement last night after a pair of stone pants, believed to have been worn by the Roman Emperor, Tiberius, were discovered by a Whitechapel man underneath the remains of his demolished garden shed.

Toby Dell, 78, told The Whitechapel Whelk: “I’d just finished pulling down my old shed to replace it with a new one when I spotted these stone pants underneath some broken floorboards. I realised at once they could be Ancient Roman because of the writing. I showed them to my missus and she confirmed that they were. It was her that told me they once belonged to the Emperor Tiberius in 14 AD.

“We’ve now handed them over to The British Museum, who are going to run some DNA tests on any skids or piss stains they…

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PLEASE BE GENTLE. WE SATIRISTS CAN DISH IT OUT BUT WE CAN'T TAKE IT.

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