Whitechapel Gears Up For 2016 Paralytics

More liver-busting fun and frolics from our brothers and sisters-in-satire at The Whelk. Follow them, they piss all over us in the humour stakes…ish

The Whitechapel Whelk

paralytics One of the highly-fancied Irish competitors pictured during a gruelling training session last night

The East London district of Whitechapel last night confirmed that preparations for the 2016 Paralytics Championships are complete and that they are now fully prepared to welcome the thousands of complete drunks and stumblebums who will make up the competitors in the most prestigious heavy drinking challenge on earth.

The championships begin in The Blind Beggar this forthcoming Saturday at 19.00 and will finish at The Lord Rodneys Head in the early hours, when the last man standing will be awarded with the prestigious Golden Sick Bowl of Montreaux.

The itinery is as follows:

19.00: The 100 metres Dash To The Bar. In this exacting event the competitors will use raw speed and agility to race from the saloon bar door to the bar itself before ordering a pint of lager and a whiskey chaser

19.01:…

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