Trump and Clinton to Wed: A Whitechapel Whelk Exclusive

Running Mates: An adoring Hillary  smiles happily as Trump outlines plans to kick Mexican ass.


In a surprise announcement, Donald Trump, and Hillary Clinton have announced that that are getting married after the American presidential election in November.

The two presidential nominees visited The Whitechapel Whelk’s offices in East London yesterday, just hours after Mr. Trump had virtually secured his place as the presidential candidate for The Republican Party following the retirement of his two main rivals.

Holding hands and appearing blissfully happy, they posed for photographs, kissing and embracing constantly before telling us of their unlikely love.

Mr. Trump told us: “It all started for me just after Hillary’s husband Bill, admitted that Monica Lewinsky had noshed him off under the table in The Oval Office. I felt so sorry for Hillary and called her straight away. We started meeting and over time we fell deeply for each other. Loving her seemed like the most natural thing in the world.”

Hillary smiled and squeezed Trump’s hand as she revealed: “What Donnie says is absolutely true; although I have to say, I didn’t fall for Donald straight away. Basically, I was only sleeping with him to get back at Bill for allowing Monica to suck him off. But over time, my feelings for Donald changed and before I knew it, I’d fallen head over heels. I went out and bought a ring in January and ask him to marry me. I was the happiest woman in the world when he said he yes.

“Now, we don’t really care who gets to be president. Either way, we’re both going to be at The White House. I expect we’ll have our differences about thinks like nuking North Korea or persecuting the wetbacks, but at the end of the day, love conquers all and I know that we’ll be just fine”

This bombshell mirrors the revelation in 1963 that British Prime Minister, Harold Wilson, had secretly married President John F Kennedy in a civil ceremony in Golders Green, North London. They subsequently split after two years together following Kennedy’s constant complaints about Wilson smoking his pipe during sex.

You are HERE. We, on the other hand, are HERE:

Come and join us why doncha? 


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