We at The SoZ Satire Mint are delighted to offer you the chance to own this exquisite protein pill commemorating the passing of music legend, David Bowie, and made to look a bit like the one Major Tom was advised to take in Bowie’s classic hit: ‘Take YourProtein Pill and Put Your Helmet On’
Each pill has been lovingly machine-fashioned by Brazilian orphans in a corrugated iron shed in a Rio shanty town, and is made from authentic pig iron, painted silver to look like platinum.
We guarantee that every penny of your money will go directly to The SoZ Satire Mint and that no percentage of it will be going to a charity of your, nor indeed, anybody else’s choice.
Worth over 27 pence in raw materials alone, we are offering you this unmissable chance to pay homage to one of the great music and style icons of all time for just £3,567.89, payable in manageable installments of £1000 per week for 6 weeks or until we say stop.
To get your Protein Pill of Hope at some vague, unspecified time in the future, send your bank details, debit/credit card + PIN and house keys to:
The SoZ Satire Mint
The Crown and Anchor
22 Shit Street
DISCLAIMER: I’m a vulnerable, gullible halfwit who reacted to Bowie’s passing as if I’d just learned that my granny had been shot in the back. I realise that I will receive absolutely nothing by return of post – not now, nor at any time in the future, and that any complaint from myself or my representative will result in my being attacked in the street by a SoZ Satire strongarm merchant. I have no mob connections and I do not possess a firearm.