TYSON FURY TO FIGHT DONALD TRUMP FOR WBC (WORLD BIGOTRY CHAMPIONSHIP) CROWN

Calvin Brock v Zuri Lawrence

It was announced earlier today that outspoken world boxing champion, Tyson Fury, will fight controversial Republican presidential hopeful, Donald J. Trump, for the World Bigotry Championship early in the new year.

Both men, notorious for their narrow, right-wing stance on a range of topics, ranging from abortion to gay rights and equality for women, are talking up their chances of taking the undisputed crown.

Talking from his home in Manchester, the self-styled ‘Gypsy King’, Fury told reporters: “Trump has a pretty smart mouth for an old guy and I intend to shut if for him. I respect and totally agree with pretty much all he says, but there’s only room on this planet for one king of the bigots and I aim to make sure it’s me”

Meanwhile, speaking from South Carolina where he’s been making a series of hair-raising comments about Muslims, Trump was equally defiant: “I aim to whup this limey sonofabitch, and after I’ve done that, I’m gonna intern his gypsy ass in a secure facility until we find out what the hell’s going on with these Romany fucks”

Under WBC rules, both men will come into the ring unaccompanied where they will be patted down for concealed weapons. They will then go to their corners and sit on their stools while a number of people from diverse ethnic groups, different faiths, and various sexual persuasions, are paraded in front of them.

The winner will be decided by the three judges at ringside – all Daily Express journalists – and will be based on the amount of hate-filled bile the two protagonists spew forth as each minority group is represented in the ring.

The referee on the night will be outspoken media personality, and former world bigotry crown holder, Katie “Vinegar Tits” Hopkins, with commentary and expert ringside analysis from the doyen of Fleet Street’s right-wing hacks, Richard “You Couldn’t Make It Up” Littlejohn, and former undefeated European Bigot Champion, Nigel “The Darkie Destroyer” Farage.

Tickets go on sale from January 2 and will be available on a first-come, first-served basis, provided you’re a British white Christian or All-American and don’t have a depraved sexual appetite for people of your own gender.

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14 Comments

Filed under Satire

14 responses to “TYSON FURY TO FIGHT DONALD TRUMP FOR WBC (WORLD BIGOTRY CHAMPIONSHIP) CROWN

  1. Excellent satire, spoiled only by the sexist nickname you give Hopkins. You could have found an equally cruel nickname without relying on her gender to skewer her personality.

    Like

  2. Pierre Lagacé

    Brilliant satire!
    The only thing is that I only know who is Trump.
    Never knew the others have ever existed.
    They never should have been born if Hitler had one the war.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pierre Lagacé

    Postscript
    A final word on these people…

    From Psychology Today’s Website

    The Truth About Narcissism

    Narcissists cut a wide, swashbuckling figure through the world. At one end of the self-loving spectrum is the charismatic leader with an excess of charm, whose only vice may be his or her inflated amour-propre. At the far end of the spectrum reside individuals with narcissistic personality disorder, whose grandiosity soars to such heights that they are manipulative and easily angered, especially when they don’t receive the attention they consider their birthright. Here’s how to figure out whether the big talker in your office really believes his own hype.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Excellent satire. OOPS!!!! Sorry, please excuse me, I farted. Every time I read about Trump that happens.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. ratty

    A first rate skit, though (if I may say so) somewhat lessened by the mention of the opponents going into their corners to sit on their stools.

    That was totally uncalled for . . .

    Liked by 1 person

    • Cheers matey. Perhaps you could pass on your valued opinion on the brilliance of the piece to the editorial staff on News Thump and one or two others who have thus far completely ignored its satirical brilliance. I expect an office junior spilled coffee over it and it got tossed in the bin eh? Yeah, that’ll be it mate.

      Like

  6. I wrote a comment about this piece before, but that might have been in the dark days when WordPress took to sending all my comments to other bloggers’ spam folders. Anyway, It was a very funny piece and worth reading twice. Of course, if Donald Trump is elected, I don’t think I don’t think I’ll be laughing again for a very long time.

    Like

PLEASE BE GENTLE. WE SATIRISTS CAN DISH IT OUT BUT WE CAN'T TAKE IT.

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