You know William Shakespeare? Well, according to a bloke down the pub, he used to deliberately fall over in front of women so that they’d feel sorry for him. Sometimes, he’d even hit himself over the head with a hammer and tell women that he’d been given a clump by a gang of footpads.
According to this bloke down the pub, he used to get off on the sympathy and would regularly blow his custard in his pants as soon as these women started asking him if he was ok.
It’s amazing what you hear down the pub isn’t it? Last night, a geezer told me that all the judges on Strictly Come Dancing have a sex orgy after each show, with Len Goodman the only one who’s interested in shafting that Darcy bint. Dirty fuckers!
NEXT WEEK: SSWWWOW reveals that Prince Charles once farted in The Queen’s face while she was having a bath and then ran away.