Dear SoZ Satire
I should like to add my voice to those of the many people expressing shock and disbelief with regard to the recent rumours surrounding Sir Cliff Richard’s alleged penchant for young boys. I quite simply do not believe them, and indeed, can furnish you with a short anecdote which will add weight to my conviction.
About 30 years ago, as a teenager, I got terribly drunk at a party and stumbled out onto nearby Hampstead Heath. I then collapsed and lost consciousness. Upon waking in the early hours of the morning, I found none other than the Peter Pan of Pop himself hastily pulling my trousers up. There’s absolutely no doubt in my mind that this was an altruistic effort to preserve my modesty and to prevent me from catching a chill. He then gave me £5.00 and told me the location of the nearest chemist in case I had a sore bottom. Were those the actions of a slavering paedophile?
Thanks Sir Cliff!
Chessington World of Adventures