Pop legend and champion of gay rights, Sir Elton John, has announced that at some vague, unspecified time in the future, he may extend his largesse towards heterosexual people in the form of a donation to help the homeless, or people similarly disadvantaged, without first checking on their sexuality.
John, 98, who announced yesterday he is to give £10 million to a lesbian, gay, and transgender group, told a press conference: “Although it’s not usually my custom to offer assistance to non-gay or lesbian people, my accountant has informed me that I need to donate a portion of my disposable income to charity for tax purposes. I have therefore decided that after the gay community have been given the lion’s share, I may apportion the remainder to a few straights. Hopefully, one or two underprivileged closet homosexuals or lesbians will benefit too”
Mr John then left the press conference to fly to Moscow, where he hopes to persuade Russian president, Vladimir Putin, not to bomb any gay night spots in Syria.
Danny Soz aged 19 and definitely not gay