LIFE INSURANCE PREMIUMS SET TO SOAR AS MORE PEOPLE COMMIT SUICIDE FOR THE MONEY

suicide

Britain’s leading insurance companies are set to announce a sharp hike in life insurance premiums following a marked increase in the number of people killing themselves to collect hefty payouts.

Toby Carter, CEO of Protected Life Ltd, told us: “Due to the increased instances of people fraudulently claiming life insurance payouts after deliberately taking their own lives, we feel that we are left with no option other than to increase premiums by 20% to cover our losses at this time.

“In the last year alone, 23,000 people have claimed 6 figure payouts after killing themselves and are no doubt now living high on the hog as a result. We, therefore, feel duty bound to do whatever’s necessary to put a stop to it”

This latest move comes just two weeks after leading pet insurance companies announced increased premiums, due to a number of cat owners deliberately kicking their pets up the arse in order to cash in on free veterinary care.

Danny SoZ aged 19.

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1 Comment

Filed under Satire

One response to “LIFE INSURANCE PREMIUMS SET TO SOAR AS MORE PEOPLE COMMIT SUICIDE FOR THE MONEY

PLEASE BE GENTLE. WE SATIRISTS CAN DISH IT OUT BUT WE CAN'T TAKE IT.

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