LULU WANTED TO RAPE ME AT SHOWBIZ BASH CLAIMS BRUCE FORSYTHE

brucie

Showbiz legend, Bruce Forsythe, last night claimed that Scottish pop icon, Lulu, was hellbent on raping him at a glitzy, post-showbiz  awards night party in 2014.

Forsythe, 107, told Soz Satire magazine: “My wife and I were standing at the buffet table, enjoying a few nibbles and a glass of wine, when Lulu came over and began chatting. I knew almost at once that she wanted to rape me. She was smiling and put her hand on my arm as she put some crisps and sausage rolls on her plate. She was clearly trying to put me at my ease before forcing herself on me. I’m pretty certain that if my wife hadn’t been there she would have pushed me to the ground and had her way with me right there and then. Fortunately, before she could launch her attack, Dame Judy Dench came over and started chatting to all three of us. Without her intervention, I’ve no doubt in my mind that I would have been brutally raped that evening. I’ve a lot to thank her for”.

This is the second time that the veteran entertainer has leveled accusations of lewd conduct at fellow showbiz personalities. In 2004 he told Esquire magazine that legendary naturalist, Sir David Attenborough, asked Forsythe to suck him off in the toilets at The Natural History Museum.

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7 Comments

Filed under Humour, showbiz

7 responses to “LULU WANTED TO RAPE ME AT SHOWBIZ BASH CLAIMS BRUCE FORSYTHE

  1. In the great storm of 1987 had I been walking by the oak tree up the road 7 hours earlier I might have been crushed as it fell!

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  2. I’m not entirely sure his account is true. My source at the scene said they overheard the following loud exchange between Forsythe and Lulu and believe Forsythes accusations are in retaliation to Lulu’s confused ‘SHOUT’ing.

    Brucey to Lulu:

    “Nice to see you, to see you… nice!”

    Apparently Lulu snubbed his outstretched hand and began ridiculing Brucey to anyone in earshot. Bear in mind she has quite the set of lungs on her, so that covered the entire room. My source said her tirade of abuse definitely rattled the old man.

    Lulu to everyone:

    “Well…
    With Brucey you have to shout
    Look at his toupee jumpin’
    Look at his pacemaker thumpin’
    Just put your teeth back
    Come on now

    Don’t forget to write your will
    Don’t forget to shout
    Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
    Write your will, (you’re such a throw back)
    You with us still? (Come on now, come on now)
    Write your will, (don’t come back)
    Whooo”

    Staff apparently led the pint-sized singer away to her waiting family, who’d been concerned for her well-being after she walked out of the care home in nothing but her slippers and dressing gown.

    Sorry state of affairs if you ask me.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My morning chuckle. Thank you

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    • The League Of Mental Men

      No worries love.
      NEXT WEEK: Angela Merkel Kicked Me Up The Arse In The White House Toilets Claims Barack Obama…oh, ‘ang on though…I think I’ve done that one 😦

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PLEASE BE GENTLE. WE SATIRISTS CAN DISH IT OUT BUT WE CAN'T TAKE IT.

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