GAME OF THRONES FANS MOSTLY 40 PLUS LOSERS CLAIMS REPORT

sean bean

 

This one comes courtesy of my friends at Dafty News, who regularly expose their 30,000 readers to my inept and risible output. They still haven’t paid me mind!

A recent survey by The British Viewer’s Association has revealed that almost all Game of Thrones fans are middle-aged male losers

Most fans are aged between 40 and 49 and still live with their parents, who feed them and pay for their Broadband.

Game of Thrones fan, Barry, 43, from Berwick,  said: “I was never married and I don’t have kids. Game of Thrones is my life. I have no friends, I don’t drink and I hate porn.”

Barry is just one of the many Game of Thrones fans who have failed in life, but who feel that in Game of Thrones, they have found a reason to live..

Derek from Oxfordshire,  invited our reporter into his home where the 48-year-old long-term unemployed man’s bedroom resembled that of a substance-abusing teenager’s.

He proudly showed us his Game of Thrones bedspread and matching lampshade and slippers.

He said of his obsession: “I am one of life’s complete and utter failures. I can’t hold down a job, I can’t find a woman and I have no prospects in life whatsoever. This is the reason I like Game of Thrones.”

The statistical sales figures for DVD purchasing and TV show viewing were not available for analysis, but an inside source said of the find: “These statistics are bang on, and, although I am not allowed to say it –  Game of Thrones is perfect viewing for middle-aged no- hoper men who are scared to go to sleep with the light out and have midget fantasies.”

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