The scene is Homophobe’s study at 221B Hetero Avenue in Brighton, Sussex. The great detective and insufferable bigot is breakfasting at a small table when his great friend and staunch assistant, Dr John Mincing, bursts into the room in a state of great excitement:
Mincing – Great scott Homophobe! I have just had the most singular audience with a most distinguished gentleman who claims to be the King of Bohemia no less! His tale was one of intrigue, romantic dalliance, and blackmail. I urge you most strongly to look into this matter further old friend, for unless I’m very much mistaken, there are shadowy forces at work and the whole mysterious episode will one day be known as: A Scandal in Bohemia!
Homophobe – You blasted deviant Mincing! I see your depraved little game here sir! Your intent is to lure me to the home of this so-called royal personage – who is no doubt a fellow member of your despicable, bottom-plundering fellowship – and then once there you will no doubt bludgeon me unconscious with a life-preserver and then sate your vile lusts on my helpless body until every orifice runs free with your odious jism. Now get out before I have Mrs Hudson call a constable and have you arrested for conspiracy to commit an unnatural act!
Mincing – !!!!!