Have you noticed how people in the olden days used to walk in a jerky and extremely rapid fashion? You’ve only got to watch one of those Charlie Chaplin films to see that. Apparently, this is due to the fact that the olden days diet was so high in fibre, people were constantly farting or rushing to the toilet for a shit. The staccato movements were caused by the repeated gaseous emissions from their arses, and the fast-walking was down to the fact that there were no public toilets in those days so they were constantly in a hurry to get home for a clear-out.
My nan – who was born during the olden days – said it used to stink back then due to all the farts in the atmosphere. Apparently, The Archbishop of Canterbury vomited into the font during the coronation of Queen Victoria after she let fly with a rip-snorting ‘egg & bacon’ botty burp just as he was putting the crown on her head. Probably down to the excitement I shouldn’t wonder.
Absolutely true that is. A geezer down the pub told me.
NEXT WEEK: How beer companies laced baby milk with lager so that people would drink heavily when they got older.