Following the news that social networking giant, Facebook, are to use satellite technology to reach remote areas on the African continent, a village elder in a small village in The Democratic Republic Of Congo, has spoken of the excitement amongst fellow villagers when news broke of the development.
Speaking through an interpreter he said:
“We are all so excited and can’t wait to irritate the hell out of each other with puerile and crass status updates. One of my wives has a particularly unpleasant looking child and is eagerly awaiting the chance to post countless pictures of it with its face plastered with food, or with it staring in a gormless manner at the camera before its first day at school. My wife, of course, will remain completely oblivious to the fact that everybody else thinks it looks like shit on a stick.
“I also know for a fact that many of the villagers are looking forward to whining about their ailments and mental frailties. No doubt some will also be keen to start making empty suicide threats to a bunch of complete strangers who just wish they’d hurry up and get the job done.
“My sister is an extremely greedy woman, who will definitely be taking advantage of the opportunity to post pictures of cakes and various other food items, including close-ups of her dinner plate, piled high with something horrendously unappetising. This is bound to result in other womenfolk on her friends list making unconvincing, lying comments, such as, “Mmmmmmmm looks scrummy babes!”
“For myself, I’m looking forward to acting the complete giddy arsehole; posting boxes containing deep political and philosophical dogma that goes way over my head, sexually harassing women, and subjecting people to countless pictures of my hideous, bastard cat”
A spokesperson for Facebook said last night: “We think it’s tremendously important that people in remote parts of the world are subjected to the same will-to-live-sapping tedium of our site as those living in the developed world. We have already carried out a feasibility study amongst a remote tribe in Papua New Guinea and I’m happy to report that within days of their logging on, there was a sustained outbreak of killing and cannibalism”