ASK BBC TEST CARD GIRL: THE COMPLETELY INERT AGONY AUNT WITH A HEART

bbc test card

“It’s ok love!… It’s not the telly, it’s them”

Dear BBC Test Card Girl.

I’m a 22-year-old woman who recently married the man of my dreams – or so I thought. The problem is; he keeps making excuses whenever I ask him to make love to me. He claims to be too tired after work during week days, and then at weekends, he feigns illness or makes out he’s hurt his back doing the gardening. He tells me constantly that he loves me and finds me attractive, so why won’t he give me the physical love I crave? I’d like to start a family at some point, but if his constant excuses at bedtime continue, I can’t ever see myself getting pregnant. On top of this, last week I found pictures of a naked man on his phone along with a series of explicit text messages sent by my husband to this person, describing in graphic detail what he’s going to do to him when they next meet. Do you think he could be gay? Please help me if you can, BBC Test Card Girl, as I’m at my wit’s end with worry and you’re my last hope.

Yours faithfully

Mary Tracy

London E2

**********************

Dear Mary

Hiss…crackle…whistle…phutt…pop!

We apologise for this break in our transmission, our engineers are working on the problem. Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible. In the meantime, here’s some music…

We are happy to announce that normal service can now be restored. We apologise for the fault and hope that your enjoyment has not been spoiled. And now…back to The Antiques Roadshow.

Yours Faithfully

BBC Test Card Girl

Television Centre

Shepherd’s Bush

London

If you have a relationship problem and would like to receive a totally unsatisfactory response from a girl drawing on a blackboard who must be getting on a bit by now; write to: BBC Test Card Girl at the above address and she’ll do her best to restore your peace of mind after some pretty nondescript music.

Advertisements

3 Comments

Filed under arses, BBC, homosexuality, nobs, nude men, relationships, test card, The League Of Mental Men

3 responses to “ASK BBC TEST CARD GIRL: THE COMPLETELY INERT AGONY AUNT WITH A HEART

  1. Has anyone tried moving the fucking aerial?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Ok. BTO, what made this so hysterical for me, is that I follow a blog, I don’t understand a bloody word of, (They follow me) anyway the test card girl is on it. I thought, now it is in English, this is what I have been liking! I mean, I’m glad I did but …

    Like

    • The League Of Mental Men

      A bloke I know that used to blog on here, followed over 30.000 different blogs, many of whom were in totally indecipherable lingos. He ended up with over 10,000 followers in total. He then launched his book and watched as the dollars flowed copious and free. Days later, he left WP and was never seen again. I have never wanted to pay homage to another man, but I came mighty close in this instance. He played the ridiculous WordPress Family like a virtuoso, and if I ever run into the boy, I shall buy him drinks until the grog flows from his
      every orifice. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

PLEASE BE GENTLE. WE SATIRISTS CAN DISH IT OUT BUT WE CAN'T TAKE IT.

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s