LONDON’S HOMELESS VOICE APPROVAL OVER GARDEN BRIDGE PROPOSAL

tramps

Some homeless people pictured limbering up for a stint on the proposed Garden Bridge last night

London’s homeless community have added their support to the proposed Thames Garden Bridge lobby, insisting that the controversial project will provide them with much-needed shelter and even food during the winter months.

The proposed bridge, the brainchild of actress, Joanna Lumley, is seen in some quarters as a self-indulgent folly which will add nothing to London’s infrastructure and is just an ill-conceived eyesore and a criminal drain on taxpayer’s resources.

However, a number of vagrants we spoke to on a piece of wasteground in Spitalfields, East London, were unequivocal in their support for the project. One of them, a man in his 60s said:

“Personally I think this is a wonderful move and I can’t wait to start hiding in bushes and jumping out on passers-by with a beard full of sick. I just hope there’s space for a burning sofa so we can sit round it during the day, drinking brake-cleaner, roasting squirrels, and shouting aggressively at people on their way to work”

A particularly dishevelled young man, wearing an ill-fitting pair of trousers held up by a piece of string, also spoke in glowing terms of the proposal:

“I normally spend my days going round and round on the Circle Line, begging for money to spend on strong drink, so the chance to lie comatose in a flower bed is a tremendous prospect, I can’t wait to be honest with you”

A spokesman for the Association of British Vagrants gave the plan cautious approval last night:

“Yer fuckin’ fuck!” he told reporters “I’ll tek the fuckin’ lot of yersh! Yer me besht mates you are. Gisha fag…g’wan, gisha a fag yer fuckin’ bashtas yersh”

Author’s note: 20 million pounds of tax-payers money has already been spent during the planning stage for this vital addition to London’s infrastructure. Meanwhile, young homeless people in the capital are being given free tickets to sleep on night buses in an effort to give them somewhere warm and relatively safe to spend the night. Go figure. Of course, as obscenities go, it’s not quite up there with beheading aids workers or chucking gays off the top of tall buildings but it’s a promising start 🙂

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4 Comments

Filed under Garden Bridge, homelessness, London, Satire, sofas

4 responses to “LONDON’S HOMELESS VOICE APPROVAL OVER GARDEN BRIDGE PROPOSAL

  1. Reblogged this on SOZ SATIRE and commented:
    A bridge too far perhaps?

    Like

PLEASE BE GENTLE. WE SATIRISTS CAN DISH IT OUT BUT WE CAN'T TAKE IT.

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