London Woman Takes Own Life Following “Bogey Nose” Incident

nose picking girl

A girl pictured guarding against any bogey-related drama last night

A 23-year-old London woman has committed suicide after realising that she spent an entire dinner date with her new boyfriend with a remnant of dried mucus, or “bogey” attached to one of her nostrils.

Jade Tracy, from Wapping in East London, who was found dead in her flat from a suspected overdose, confided in her close friend, Mary Dell, also 23, that the incident had left her mortified and deeply depressed. Mary, who had known the dead woman since early childhood, said last night: “Jade only realised she had this bogey stuck under her nose when she went to the ladies just before she and her new bloke were about to leave. She told me that it must have been there throughout their meal and that it was probably formed when she blew her nose while she was waiting for her new boyfriend to arrive at her flat. She told me that he kept giving her funny looks and wouldn’t make eye contact, but she put it down to shyness. She was terribly upset and kept breaking down in front of me, but I never dreamed she’d do something this drastic to be honest”

The man in question, Danny Carter, a 27-year-old tyre fitter from Bow in East London, appeared visibly upset as he told reporters: “I spotted the bogey straight away to be honest. I wanted to say something, but I didn’t know how to go about it. I thought about playfully touching her nose and craftily picking it off, but I thought it might be a bit too forward of me as it was our first date. I really wish I had done now”

This tragedy comes just two weeks after a 24-year-old Sheffield man, on a first date with an attractive blonde, hanged himself after accidentally leaving his penis hanging out following a visit to the gents in a local McDonalds.

Author’s note: For the benefit of any American readers; the nasal incident described above is, I believe, known on your side of the pond as: “Having a booger”

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4 Comments

Filed under Satire

4 responses to “London Woman Takes Own Life Following “Bogey Nose” Incident

  1. I could see eet was grande shock pour le date. Une even bigger one pour the lady dans question

    Like

    • The League Of Mental Men

      Sacred Blue etc! I enjoy penning these harrowing tales of feminine discomfort. Not because I’m a knuckle-dragging misogynist – far from it – but because a beautiful girl of my acquaintance absolutely baulks at the content and often emits a plaintive cry, which sounds a lot like: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

PLEASE BE GENTLE. WE SATIRISTS CAN DISH IT OUT BUT WE CAN'T TAKE IT.

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