The prison governor pictured in determined mood last night
By Gary “The Pigeon Fancier Of Brixton Remand Centre” Hoadley
The Government admitted today, that Wormwood Scrubs Prison had been stolen.
A spokesperson said that the prison had been missing for a few days.
Prison Governor, Judas Priest, said; “We realised something was wrong when our keys would not fit the locks. On further investigation, it would appear the whole prison has been replaced with a cardboard cut out replica”.
Asked if this has caused any security problems, Mr Priest replied; “We haven’t told the prisoners, If they get wind the walls are made of cardboard some of them might want to escape, and that just will not do, they are naughty boys you know”.
The police believe it could have been an inside job.
Inspector Tosh Lyons, of the Yard said; “My men have a few leads, and that means the dogs are loose, so any criminal, and I believe there a few round here, better give themselves up or we are going to get the right raving hump…Is the pub open?”
Prison Officers Union Chief, Bill Gates stated; “A prison the size of Wormwood Scrubs will be easy to recognise, sooner or later it will have to surface, that is when we will strike, and when we get what we want, we will go back to work”.
Probation Officer, Pontius O’Pilot, was a little less worried; “I think the people responsible will give themselves up. Life is about trust, I have some men building my new garden wall from recycled stone, they assure me its local stone”.
Scotland Yard issued the following statement:
“Do not approach the prison, some of the mortar between those stones is 100 years old and very flaky. Not only that, the drains have not been cleaned out for years.
If you are offered a new patio on the cheap, or large garden gates please contact us.”