Lil’ Kimmy: Diary Of A Young Dictator

kimmy respect my authoritah

Dear Diary,

Autumn is just around the corner. Soon the leaves will be falling from the trees. I hate Autumn..

Autumn is when my gardener starts using his leaf blower. The noise always drives me crazy.

I don’t get what leaf blowers are good for. To me a leaf blower is like a vacuum cleaner with Downs Syndrome. I don’t see why leaves need to be on a pile. The wind always ends up blowing them all over the place anyway.

A few years ago I would have shot my gardener. Not anymore. Now I just shot his leaf blower. I call that growth.

I think maybe one day people will remember me as Un The Merciful.

I’m becoming more and more forgiving as I’m getting older. I’m starting to learn not everybody is as supreme as I am.

I used to think everything was always about me. Now I realize my gardener is also just a man doing his job. He’s happy to contribute. In fact, he turned 96 last week. He’s been in our family ever since my grandfather decided to keep some of his South Korean prisoners of war. My granddad simply told him North Korea had won the war and that he was welcome to stay in exchange for labor.

I think my grandfather would have been glad to know I didn’t shoot our gardener. We did promise him labor after all. My family makes up a lot of words, but we never break our word. We just break people. At least, that’s what my grandfather used to tell me when let me sat on his lap.

There are people that say my grandfather, Kim Il Sung, was an evil man, but I have fond memories of him. Whenever I see my gardener I am reminded of my granddad. Maybe that’s why I rather like my gardener, even though he’s demented. He sometimes pees his pants, but I never get mad, out of respect for my grandfather.

It won’t be long before my gardener passes away. His health is getting worse every day. I hate the prospect of losing him. It would be like losing my granddad again. Maybe I shouldn’t wait till he dies. Maybe I should just send him back to South Korea, so I don’t have to be around when he dies.

That’s what Un The Merciful would do.

Your one and Unly,


Lenny Van Ree.

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