LOMM News!


A youthful editor and totally ripped skit writer pictured in training for The London Drinkathon last night

Fabricated and read in a posh BBC accent by Gary “Our Man in the Basement” Hoadley

Edited and copied and pasted with bits of curry sauce on by Clivey “He’s just a kid!” Dee, 19.

Earlier today, Mr Albert Cress, from Bethnal Green, in East London, was found dazed and confused wandering around Roman Road Market. Paramedics were called and quickly established that Mr Cress had spent the entire day sunbathing in Weaver Fields, a popular place for vegans and people with no homes to go to.

Paramedic, Virginia Ham OBE, said;

“Mr Cress was in an awful state, he was wilted, very brown and looked terribly limp and dried up”.

It later transpired that Mr Cress had applied salad cream instead of sun cream before going out to the park.

Speaking outside Shoreditch police station where Mr Cress was being beaten mercilessly in the cells, local beat bobby, Officer WPC Collation, advised;

” Evenin’ all! When you is sunbaving, an you uses der salard cream, first you ‘as to make sure, yur feet, are in wartar. Evenin’ all!”

Disclaimer: No gay people were married during the writing or editing of this skit…or if they were, they didn’t tell us about it, the sneaky buggers.


Filed under comedy, Humor, Humour

11 responses to “LOMM News!

  1. Dear Likers
    Thanks for pretending to have read this. It means a lot.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. ratty

    Albert is my brother.
    Tell him Walter sends his best.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. garyhoadley

    It is a strange practice and true. Why the fuck would you “Like” something you haven’t read? I suppose they go into the library and bore the arse off punters by telling them how good a book is that they have not read.
    Moses: “Great tablet Lord”
    Lord: “Have you read it then?”
    Moses: “Have I fuck!”
    Lord: “Why say you like it then?”
    Moses: “Have you seen the Locusts?”

    Liked by 3 people


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