Government Outlines Plans to Tax The Dead

                                                       “Death and Taxes eh folks?”
Dead funny script by Gary Hoadley. 
Taxing and Editing by Clivey Dee, 19. (deceased)
The Government has announced that dead people will, in future, have to pay Value Added Tax (VAT) on the amount of time it takes them to decompose.
Under the terms of the proposed plan, every person that dies after Wednesday 5th January 2016, will pay a VAT accredited tax levy on the time it takes for their entire body to become compost.
Minister for the Environment, Wincy Willis, said it was a great idea because poor people are taking far too long to rot away and that meant little or no room for more house building. 
Prime Minister, David Cameroon defended the new tax, saying; “My government and I feel, that poor people take longer to decompose because the cheap food they eat contains so many preservatives. The poor decompose 80% slower than rich people. In real terms, this means we cannot build more houses because the poor are causing a hold up on the cemetery’s”.
Finance secretary, Glenda Pound, outlined the costing of the new levy and how the payment method would only penalise the poor.
“When a person dies, they will be weighed and measured. The results will be calculated and a designated decomposition clerk will be assigned to the deceased. The clerk will then determine how long the rotting process will take.
“At the end of each year, the clerk will decide if that person has decomposed enough to be made into compost. Should the rotting process end before the allotted time, that dead body will get a rebate which will be paid into the government’s private bank account.
“So, if person A weighs 10 stone and is 5’6”, that is a calculation of 5 years of rotting, at £50 per annum. We have also introduced a contingency plan, so that if a dead person cannot pay because they are poor, the body will be left at the roadside on a council estate and their next of kin evicted and jailed until the amount due is paid in full
The proposed bill is expected to go through The House of Lords next week.


Filed under Satire

3 responses to “Government Outlines Plans to Tax The Dead

  1. alienorajt

    Splendid! Quite bloody right too – can’t have these Chavvy wallahs foisting their fetid cadavers all over the shop, now can we? Bring back National Service, I say: that’ll soon made these scrounging, chain-smoking scoffers of Burger King’s worst sharpen up their ideas and stop this Post Mortem scourge from offending the delicate nostrils of decent rich people! Harumph!

    Liked by 1 person


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