Vlad Wit: Putin To Tour Northern Comedy Clubs

putin ukraine

“This next one will kill ya folks…but only if you don’t laugh”

In what is being seen as a surprise move, Russian President, Vladimir Putin, has announced that he plans to hit the comedy club circuit in the north of England in the run-up to Christmas. Political commentators see this as a bid to ease the strained relations between his country and The West, caused in the main, by Russia’s recent sabre-rattling, the politically contentious invasion of The Crimea and the presence of Russian forces in Ukraine.

The ex-KGB strongman is well-known for  his dry wit and ability to see the humour in somewhat fraught circumstances. Former colleagues have recounted, that during his tenure as head of the Russian Secret Police, he was a constant source of fun, and would have everybody in Moscow’s notorious Lubyanka jail falling about with his humorous anecdotes while they waited to interrogate political prisoners.

Speaking on Russian state television last night, Putin assumed his famous, stoney-faced, deadpan expression as he outlined plans to tour Bradford, Sheffield, Halifax and Rotherham culminating in a Christmas Eve appearance on Wigan Pier. He ended the broadcast with the announcement that more Russian tanks and ground troops would be sent to the Ukrainian border before signing off with a one-liner:

“Why did the chicken cross the road comrades?…To escape a KGB man with a poisoned umbrella of course!”

This announcement marks the first tour of British comedy clubs by a foreign despot since Pol Pot’s memorable “Genocide Japes” tour of London and The Home Counties in 1976.

Editor’s Note: Mike Steeden is in France and has no internet, and therefore, no access to WordPress. I am therefore filling in for him this Wednesday. If you happen to be in France yourself and you spot him in the street, give him a friendly wave, tell him that you like him, and make some other inane, time-consuming comment about the brilliance of his writing. It will mean the world to the boy, trust me. Did I ever mention that I’m only 19 btw?



Filed under Satire

3 responses to “Vlad Wit: Putin To Tour Northern Comedy Clubs

  1. I can’t belive who wrote this skit.
    It nearly had me in a laughing fit,
    I know you think I’m a grumpy old git,
    It’s just that I’ve lost me confidence and wit,
    Me glasses, pills and me drilling bit…
    Not to mention me haemmorhoids kit,
    And me new mini willy-warmer wot I knit.

    Just thought I’d mention it like…

    Liked by 1 person


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