Justin Bieber Voted “Most Torturable Celeb” By East London Gangsters

justin

In a survey of London’s underworld, it has emerged that Canadian pop sensation, Justine Bieber, is the celebrity that gangsters would most like to subject to torture.

 Bieber, 11, just pipped  smarmy pop entrepreneur Simon Cowell, and  aggravating, oily fuck, Piers Morgan, in the poll, which took in over 300 pubs and illegal gambling dens in the heart of London’s notorious East End.

One of the hoodlums polled, “Maltese Billy” Drago, told us: “It was a pretty tough choice to be perfectly honest with you. I mean to say, there’s just so many irritating arseoles to choose from. I was pretty torn between the prospect of giving Simon Cowell a good striping with a butcher’s knife, or the opportunity of crucifying Piers Morgan on a snooker table. In the end though, I just had to go with Bieber. The boy’s absolutely crying out to have his Niagras crushed in a vice while his teeth are being yanked out of his mouth with a pair of mole grips”

 A spokesperson for Bieber’s record company said last night: “Justin’s understandably a bit upset to discover that he’s the celeb that London’s underworld most want to hospitalise, but at the same time he fully accepts that it’s the price that sometimes has to be paid for being such an irritating, talentless, little turd”

To discover the identity of the annoying, female pop sensation the Mafia would most like to garotte in a seedy New York bar why not visit?

http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire

WARNING: May contain piano wire, bum notes, and severed jugular veins.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Satire, showbiz

PLEASE BE GENTLE. WE SATIRISTS CAN DISH IT OUT BUT WE CAN'T TAKE IT.

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s