Monthly Archives: May 2015

Youthful Satirical Mag Editor Claims Full Credit For Front Page Speech Bubbles

Political Parties Pledge

Christ! Check out the f*****g captions on that!” – Baking guru, Mary Berry.

In a shock revelation that will shake the very foundations of the world of mildly unsuccessful satirical magazines, the 19-year-old editor of Soz Satire “A Piss Poor Excuse For Humour”, has revealed that, just before the latest edition was published, he made a number of alterations to the front page speech bubbles, making them in his view: “Even funnier”

Clivey Dee, 19, and looking a fair bit younger, told reporters outside his office in Whitechapel, East London:

“Just before we went live the other week I went into the online editing bit and made a few alterations to the speech bubbles to make them even funnier. Our graphics bloke, The Artful Dodger, who’s getting on a bit in years to be honest, had done his best bless him, but when you’re as old as he is you tend to lose that innovative touch and it sometimes takes somebody from the younger, more vibrant generation, such as myself, to give things a sprinkle of stardust. So I was more than happy to roll my sleeves up and spend 10 minutes altering what had taken him countless hours to produce without so much as a by-your-leave. I did actually try to tell him what I’d done but he was being sick in the pub toilet at the time and I’m not sure if he heard me”

Dee, 19, and not looking a day over 15, was given the whole-hearted approval of a number of prominent literary figures last night, including, E L James, author of the highly successful, 50 Shades erotic trilogy, who told us:

“EYE FINK DAT THE SPEACH BUBLEZ ON SOZ SATYRE WER BRILL AND VERY EROTIK. IF MR GREYE SAW THEM HEE WOOD GET HIS NOB OUT AND RUB IT AWL OVER THE FRUNT PAYGE UNTIL HEE BLEW HIZ CUSTERD ON THEM KAPTSHUNS. OH MYE!”

If you’d like to see what all the fuss is about, or would even like to voice your worthless opinion, then why not visit:

http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire

PS. A genuine, heartfelt thank you to all you good peeps that have wasted chunks of your existence visiting the mag. It really is greatly appreciated by us, as well as extremely ill-advised on your part. So thanks guys x

Clivey Dee,19…but only just mind!

Advertisements

1 Comment

Filed under Humor, Humour, Satire

Charlotte Brontesaurus: 19th Century Romantic Agony Aunt

charlotte bronte

“Anyone got any ciggies? I’m dying for a burn!”

Here’s one I wrote a little earlier that will almost certainly bring the ubiquitous death threats from the fragrant, lady members of The Bronte’s Appreciation Society. Sorry girls but I’m afraid it had to be done 🙂

It’s not as dire as the singing buoy skit I foisted upon you the other day but it runs it pretty damn close I don’t mind telling you! 🙂

http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire#!charlotte-brontesaurus/cj96

Warning: Contains heaving bosoms, men in tight riding breeches and the odd spelling mistake.

Clivey Dee, 19.

3 Comments

Filed under Humor, Humour, Spoof

The Bloody Foreigner’s Tourist Guide To London

cockneys

Strike a light Mayweee. Show us yer threepenny bits love”

Here’s one that was sung and choreographed by my fiend (sp?), Gary Moore ‘Churchmouse’ earlier folks.

http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire#!london-tourist-guide/c1jtw

Disclaimer: No London gangland figures were nailed to snooker tables during the writing and editing of this skit…in all probability.

Signed. Clivey Dee, 19.

2 Comments

Filed under Humor, Humour

Three-Year-Old Remains Of ‘Serial Blogger’ Found In London Flat

skeleton

Does anyone know if I ever made it to Freshly Pressed?”

Now, before reading this one, please be advised that this skit is broad satire at its most ludicrous. I mean to say, anyone who would entertain such a far-fetched scenario as depicted in this tragic tale is clearly one bland, populist blog short of a mention on Freshly Pressed. Right?

http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire#!better-dead-than-never-read/c1fyh

WARNING: May contain traces of the God’s honest truth.

4 Comments

Filed under Satire

Letterz To LOMM

josef

Dear League Of Mental Men

In order to commemorate VE Day and to pay tribute to the bravery of the British troops who lost their lives fighting for freedom, I went to a local German convenience store and shot the owner and his wife through the head, killing both of them instantly. Imagine my outrage, when shortly after, I was arrested and charged with murder. Once again, it’s a blatant case of one law for my granddad and quite another for poor old Joe Public.

Teddy Moist

Africa

1 Comment

Filed under Humor, Humour

Letterz To LOMM

josef

Dear League Of Mental Men

I recently watched an episode of Jamie Oliver’s 15 Minute Meals during which he declared: “I’m now going to whack in these nice juicy tomatoes”

Well, I certainly won’t be visiting any of his restaurants anytime soon I can tell you.

Sid James

Elstree

Leave a comment

Filed under Humor, Humour

There Now Follows A Party Election Broadcast On Behalf Of The Gratuitous Violence Party…

vote for clivey

“Your blood on our safe hands”

With only hours until the polling stations open, we, at the Gratuitous Violence Party, would like to issue some last minute veiled threats  advice on why a vote for us would be a vote for a better Britain.

Here are just a few of the pledges we make to the British electorate if we have emerged victorious by this time tomorrow:

1. Every jewellers shop and diamond merchant the length and breadth of the land will be compelled by law (or force) to leave their doors and safes open after close of business.

2. The British police force will be disbanded by the beginning of next week at the latest.

3. Millwall FC’s football stadium and surrounding neighbourhood will be bombed into the stone age just hours after we enter Downing Street while West Ham FC will be awarded the Premier League title and the FA Cup, year in, year out, until we say stop.

4. All West London night clubs, strip joints and casinos will go into sole private ownership (ours)

5. Any WordPress blogger caught using ridiculously excessive superlatives to describe the decidedly average output of somebody who regularly does the same for their own tawdry, ill-conceived scribblings, will be dragged into the street and shot…twice.

6. There is no sixth thing.

Finally, we faithfully pledge that anybody that we suspect may not have voted for us will be given a free tour of Big Gaz’s Basement Of Pain-Wracked Regret. (tyre irons and electrical equipment available for hire on arrival). Relatives or next of kin will be expected to collect any remains at their own expense.

We therefore, threaten urge you most strongly to give us your support today friends. If you want to see a Britain where the cosh and the switchblade knife hold sway and where every citizen dives under the table, shaking like a shitting dog every time there’s a knock on the door, then the Gratuitous Violence Party is for you! So don’t delay, save yourself and your loved ones from a beating today!

Vote GVP for a bloodier Britain!…or else!

Clivey (Gaz didn’t have any hand in this one whatsoever. I shot him repeatedly through the head yesterday in a bitter feud over the Rich Tea biscuits. It’s what he would have wanted…trust me)

3 Comments

Filed under Politics, Satire