The School: An Everyday Story Of Soon-To-Be-Bullied Folk.

school bully
“Call me School Bully you snivelling little tic!”
***************************************
Written by Sir Garfield Hoadley Of Fulham
Wearily copied and pasted from his Outlook email account by Clivey Dee,19.

Scene One: A semi detached house in Hornchurch. Essex.
Father and son sit by the radiogram in the lounge

“Timothy, I have enrolled you at St Bumsteads School For Young Gentlefolk. Term begins in three weeks. Be so good as to make yourself ready

“But Pater, I won’t know any of the chaps there! Could I not stay here and be educated by you and Mater?

“Timothy, your Great Grandfather was a Bummer; my father was a Bummer, Uncle Herbert was a Bummer, I was a Bummer!  You too sir, will be a Bummer!”

“But Pater, can I not attend the local comprehensive school?  At least I know a few of the chaps there?”

“What? And end up like Cousin Marcus?!”

“But, he is a Member of Parliament Pater”

“Yes, for the Labour Party!”

“He owns a semi-detached house though Pater”

“Yes, in Dorking of all places my lad…Is that where you want to end up?”

“No Sir, I want to live in Cockfosters”

“There you are then, that is why you must go to St Bumsteads”.

“And become a Bummer Pater?”

“Yes Timothy, a Bummer you shall be sirrah!”.

“Do you think?…Is it possible that…?

“What my lad? What troubles you?”

“Will I be asked to be a toast rack Sir?”

“Of course! And later on, when the prefects get to know you, they will want you to become a privy bottom wiper”.

“Oh gosh, Pater, it all sounds so exciting”.

“It is Timothy, and what is more, you will have the half-term hols to look forward to”.

“Will I come home Pater, or will I go and stay with Mater and her nurse?”

“That depends. If Mater takes her medication, and there is no hullabaloo I don’t see why not. At the end of the day, I suppose there is no reason why we can not book a room in the asylum for you”.

“Splendid Pater!  Thank you for this chat”.

“My pleasure Timothy, now, can you wipe my arse before you make tea”.

The End
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3 Comments

Filed under The League Of Mental Men

3 responses to “The School: An Everyday Story Of Soon-To-Be-Bullied Folk.

  1. Follow me and I’ll follow you back. I’m a bit of a cunt like that.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. garyhoadley

    And now, we shall turn it into a blockbuster film starring Leon Britten as Pater and Jimmy Savile as Mater…but I don’t want to talk about it…

    Like

PLEASE BE GENTLE. WE SATIRISTS CAN DISH IT OUT BUT WE CAN'T TAKE IT.

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