The Soz Satire Mint Proudly Present: The WordPress Blog-O-Mate Butt Plug Of Hope

This piece first appeared in Soz Satire magazine and was nominated for The Liebster “I’m A Nosy, Intrusive Bastard Award” but was subsequently withdrawn for being too judgemental and searingly erotic.
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Are you sick of being beaten to the punch by other bloggers when it comes to liking or commentating on a recent post by one of your favourite members of the WordPress family? Do you find yourself logging into WordPress on your PC, laptop or device, only to find that one of your most loyal and valued followers has made a post and that you are about 75th in the list of likers?

Well those days could be over for good with the help of this clever little device my friends. The WordPress Blog-O-Mate Butt Plug Of Hope simply slides effortlessly into the anal cavity and will deliver a brief but powerful electrical jolt every time a pre-selected blogger of your choice clicks their “Publish” button.

Endorsed by WordPress themselves, the Blog-O-Mate will ensure that you never have to endure the heartache of seeing rows of small avatars lined up beneath that special post that you wanted so much to be the first to fawn over.

It can be used anytime, any place. Whether you’re at home relaxing, working at the office, or even in the shower. The Blog-O-Mate will make sure you never have to play second fiddle to your rival bloggers again. Order yours today and receive one of our “I’ve Got Far Too Much Time On My Hands” t-shirts absolutely free!

Warning: Always remember to remove the Butt Plug Of Hope before going to the toilet, particularly if you are going to evacuate your bowels. Failure to do so may result in extreme abdominal pain, bloating, haemorrhoids, a throbbing vein in the temple, and in extreme cases, death – for which the manufacturers cannot be held responsible.

Testimonials:

“I’m a fawning sycophant and as silly as a sackload of shit to boot. I honestly believe that by liking and commenting on other people’s blogs my own tawdry output will be in some way enhanced so the Blog-O-Mate was an absolute boon to me” – Miguel Sideboard. Torremolinos

“I couldn’t agree more! Since this wonderful little device started electrocuting my arseole at regular intervals I’ve never felt more popular or more loved by members of the WordPress family – Toby Menopause. Rotherham.

“I was having sex with my girlfriend when my Blog-O-Mate alerted me that somebody I don’t know from Adam had made a post. My girl found the experience so pleasurable she now makes a WordPress post whenever she’s at the point of climax. Thanks Blog-O-Mate!” – Marvin Kunt. Kent.

For express delivery of The Blog-O-Mate, send cash or a banker’s draft for £22,985.70p + £800.00 p&p to:

Clivey Dee

Soz Satire Magazine

Whitechapel (The nice part with hardly any prossies and crack fiends sleeping rough in it)

East London

Written by Clivey.

Graphic by The Artful Dodger

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3 Comments

Filed under Satire

3 responses to “The Soz Satire Mint Proudly Present: The WordPress Blog-O-Mate Butt Plug Of Hope

  1. I found this piece deeply hurtful while at the same time searingly erotic even though it was me that wrote it. Surely a meaningless, intrusive award which requires you to reveal your innermost desires, thoughts and shoe size is called for here!
    HUZZAH!…HUZZAH!…and three times HUZZAH!!!!

    Like

  2. Reblogged this on SOZ SATIRE and commented:
    Vini…escriti…rehashi. I came…I wrote…I reblogged.

    Liked by 1 person

PLEASE BE GENTLE. WE SATIRISTS CAN DISH IT OUT BUT WE CAN'T TAKE IT.

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