Soz Satire’s Wonderful Worldwide World Of Wonder #783

sean bean

That Sean Bean out of Game Of Thrones pictured wearing a glove to cover his hand on a spring but who is actually fooling nobody

 

You know that Sean Bean out of Game Of Thrones and When Saturday Comes? He’s only got one arm he has. He had the other one shot off while filming Sharpe’s Rifles in Spain in 2001. Apparently somebody accidentally put a real cannon ball in one of the cannons, instead of a foam rubber one, and it took his arm off during a scene where he was battling against the Frenchies during The Peninsular War in the olden days.

Instead of a real arm he’s got a hand on a spring, which can extend to just over 100 metres apparently. It got him into trouble in 2005 when he used it to grab a girl’s tits who was walking on the other side of the road in his native town of Sheffield, and he was subsequently charged with lewd conduct, breach of the peace and common assault.

When he went to court he told the judge:  “Now then owr magistrate! ‘appen ah did cop ‘old of a lass’s baps t’other day, but she where a reet champion bit blart and ah couldn’t ‘elp me sen”

He was subsequently fined £150 and ordered to pay costs of £80 which included the price of a new bra for the girl in question

To discover even fewer spurious facts in Soz Satire’s Wonderful Worldwide World Of Wonder, and to laugh and point because our graphic designer, The Artful Dodger, has been too hideously drunk for the past fortnight to provide a New Year front cover, why not visit:

http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire

Disclaimer: No people from the north of England will be lampooned or jeered at, in any way, shape, or form in the new issue…in all probability.

PS. Please don’t forget to leave a comment, no matter how lame, sycophantic, time-consuming, or irritating you may feel it may be. Comments beget comments and without them I’d almost certainly do something rash, like hang myself, or ask for a blown-up smudge of Inchy’s nob…I expect.

Clivey

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