NEVER ENDING ONION

kim.jong.un_portrait - Copy Another diary entry by Kim Jong Un.

Dear diary,

I’m like a never ending onion. I have countless layers. People see me as a strong and handsome leader, but underneath that I am insecure sometimes. But underneath that is a strong leader again.

So whenever I feel insecure I just peel my onion until I feel strong. Actually, my wife peels my onion for me because when I do it myself I usually eat it. Onions are my favorite fruit.

Yum!

 

At first my wife said I’m only the world’s best kisser if I don’t eat an onion before I kiss. But I told her she can become the world’s second best kisser if she would eat a few onions too each day. My wife then said she would just prefer it if I stopped eating raw onions, but then I got mad cause I don’t like people telling me what I can’t eat.

But then my wife explained what she really meant: she said that, when I eat an onion, kissing me is so good she wants to kill herself because she knows she will never be as happy again. That was sweet, so I wasn’t mad anymore. I gave her a nice big hug and told her I like her.

But I still insisted, so now my wife and I both eat an onion before we kiss. She cries of course, but that’s because of all the onions. I cry too sometimes. And then we both cry when we kiss. It’s very intense.

I like being a good lover. It’s what I’m known for in North Korea.

Your one and unly,

Kimmy

P.S.
I’d like to say what people get to see of me is just the tip of the iceberg, but I think that makes me sound fat.

 

It should be noted this post featuring Kim Jong Un’s inner thoughts was written with the utmost respect for onions, courtesy of Lennard van Ree of Satire Nation.

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