Satirical Magazine Writer To Be Executed For “Accidentally” Looking At WordPress Freshly Pressed Section

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The doomed humourist pictured in happier times

An elderly humourist faces death at the hands of the sub-editor of the satirical magazine for whom he works after allegedly looking at the largely ignored Freshly Pressed section on the WordPress online blogging site.
Garfield Hoadley, 87, who has previously been jailed for aggravated burglary, bigamy and cruelty to animals, claims that he clicked on the Freshly Pressed button accidentally while he was trying to wipe a bit of sandwich from his keyboard. “I was trying to wipe a bit of sandwich from my keyboard when I accidentally clicked on the Freshly Pressed button” he said from his home at 22 Shit Street, Fulham, West London. “As soon as I realised what I’d done I pulled the plug out and threw the laptop in the bin. I swear to God I didn’t read anything. I actually thought it was something to do with ironing clothes!”
The section in question is regarded in some quarters as being pretentious and poor in content, with only the pushiest bloggers, with hours to spend on lobbying support from their myriad followers, getting a look in. People who have psychological problems,  who are involved in car crash relationships, or battling suicidal tendencies seem to be given priority.
The man who has vowed to take the life of the writer he sees as a “misguided mug” and a “dozy West London arseole” is Clivey Dee, 19, the editor-in-chief of Soz Satire magazine. He told us last night “I see Hoadley as a misguided mug and a West London arseole and I’m going to take his bastard life, no question. I’ll not have my staff members looking at toot like Freshly Pressed! They’ll be wanting to hand out “likes” and to start making irritating, time consuming comments next!”
The execution is scheduled to take place in Commercial Road, Whitechapel, close to the magazine’s offices, and will involve Mr Dee repeatedly booting Hoadley up the arse until he’s dead.
To read the magazine in question and to enter the “Spot The New Inset Picture On The Front Page” competition, why not visit:…on the other hand, why not make yourself a nice cup of splosh and settle down in front of the box with a packet of digestives?


Filed under Satire

4 responses to “Satirical Magazine Writer To Be Executed For “Accidentally” Looking At WordPress Freshly Pressed Section

  1. Oi! Who’s nicked me paragraphs? Why I outta!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So, ladies and gentlemen of the jury; I put it to you that this bastard knowingly clicked the Fishly Pissed button. By his own admission he claims that he thought it was related to the bizarre practice of ironing clothes.

    I ask you to consider that he was indulging his own perverted habits of flattening his clothes before leaving the house, and suggest to you that ‘guilty’ is the only verdict to be arrived at, and that he be sentenced to wear jeans with creases in for the next 6 months.



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