The Constant Gardener

kim.jong.un_portrait - Copy Another diary entry by Kim Jong Un, Supreme Leader of North Korea.

Dear diary,

I like my gardener. He’s a funny guy. He makes fun of me sometimes. Often when I meet him, he makes funny faces at me. He never did that with my dead dad, so I guess he thinks I’m a cooler person. Other people never make fun of me, even though I have a great sense of humor. I love it when my gardener sticks out his tongue and spreads his fingers on both sides of his face. I don’t really get it, but at least he’s real. Sometimes I get the idea people are only nice because that’s the law.
Not with my gardener.

Of course I’m quite the gardener myself. That’s what I’m known for in North Korea. Sometimes me and my gardener work in the garden together. I watch him and tell him what to do. But sometimes he does something else. I admire that. I wish more people would stand up to me.
He even makes fun of me when I’m meeting with my generals. They seem to be scared of him, though. Not sure why that is.

I asked my gardener his name and he told me it was Frank Sinatra. I don’t think that’s his real name. I think he may be a bit crazy, but maybe that’s what I like about him.

Sometimes he walks through my garden naked. This happens mostly at night. One time he unzipped his pants and peed over the floor when I was in a meeting with my scientists. He acted like everything was normal, so I went along with it. I think my scientists were a bit surprised, though.

I’ll miss him when he’s gone. He’s 95, so any day now…

Your one and unly,


It says on CNN I threatened to nuke Seoul today. Don’t remember doing that.


This pitiful attempt at making fun of gardening comes courtesy of Lennard van Ree of Satire Nation.



Filed under Humor, Humour, Satire

2 responses to “The Constant Gardener

  1. The old clincher for me was “I guess he thinks I’m a cooler person”
    Great stuff as ever Lenny.
    Love Mom.


  2. Oh, and don’t worry about the lack of comments btw. I get this all the time. Basically it just means that our work is shit.
    The more comments you get, the better it is you see?



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