I accidentally killed a scientist today.
A while ago I saw James Bond. In the movie I saw an umbrella that could detach claws and then fold itself up, killing the umbrella holder.
So I asked my scientists to make me an umbrella like that. General Un Den-Sum keeps saying I am so funny, so I wanted to give this umbrella to his wife as a joke to prove how funny I am.
I’m quite the funny guy. It’s what I’m known for in North Korea.
Today my lead scientist called and said my umbrella was ready. So later a couple of scientists came to my house to give it to me. It was lying unfolded on the floor and I threw some water over it to see if it would work. It didn’t because nothing happened. So one of the scientists started trying to fix it and that’s when it worked.
Right that moment general Un Den-Sum and his wife Un Dem-Sum Mo came in, just in time to see my scientist drop dead.
I had invited the general and his wife to give them the umbrella as a gift, but now they already saw what kind of umbrella it was. I was mad and screamed at the scientists they had given away the joke.
In the end it was okay, though. General Un Den-Sum said it was still the funniest joke he had ever heard of. So even though the joke wasn’t a total success, I still killed. In fact, I was so happy I invited the general and his wife over for dinner, but Un Dem-Sum Mo said all the laughter had made her lightheaded and she was afraid she would faint in front of her Supreme Leader, so she wanted to go home.
But I insisted, so we had dinner together.
General Un Den-Sum even gave me a list of other generals that think I’m very funny too! That’s good, cause I saw James Bond also uses explosive toothpaste. I want that.
Your one and unly,
I asked those food aid people if they could send me Twinkies instead of rice which I might as well give to poor North Koreans. They said that wasn’t funny. I said I wasn’t trying to be funny. They said that wasn’t funny either. People outside North Korea don’t seem to really get me.
This poorly executed character assassination comes courtesy of Lennard van Ree of Satire Nation.