Mob Attack Offices Of Satirical Magazine As Wave Of Apathy Turns Nasty

The plush, Soz Satire Office, looking resplendent, shortly before being attacked by a baying mob

A baying mob of over 200 furious bookworms and newsagents last night stormed the offices of the controversial satirical magazine, Soz Satire, following the launch of their eagerly anticipated, Halloween edition.

Wielding burning torches, pitchforks and assault rifles, the mob entered the building just before midnight, smashing everything they could get their hands on and setting fire to the office cat. First reports claim that thousands of pounds of improvements were made.

The reaction to the new issue wasn’t all bad though, as we discovered when we randomly interviewed a number of passers-by last night:

“I found the new Halloween edition thought provoking, insightful, mildly educational and searingly erotic. My only complaint is that there’s no facility for “liking” or commenting” – Clivey Dee

“I was released from prison earlier this morning, and used the new Halloween edition to jemmy open the door of a local jewellers. I’ll definitely be buying the November issue” – Gary Hoadley #128648634

“I read the Halloween issue in the billiard room and to my surprise my wife Shirley bought me up a selection of cold cuts with various delicious relishes and a bottle of vintage Krug without me having to beat her” – Mike Steeden

“I was a sickly shell of a man with no stamina or zest for life, and whose libido was virtually non-existent until I read the brilliant new Halloween edition. Now I’m running a thriving bawdy house in Rotherham where I’m pimping for 25 bitches, twelve of whom I’ve made pregnant. Thanks Soz Satire” – Inchcock

“I used to live in the Caribbean hell-hole of Curacao, cavorting daily with a variety of dusky young lovelies, who would peel my grapes and fan me with their pants. Now thanks to the Halloween issue of Soz Satire I have a one bedroom studio apartment in Pyong Yang where I spend my days masturbating to pictures of Trotsky and listening to Lulu records” – Lenny Van Ree

“Nothing I can say about the fabulous new Halloween edition will carry any weight as I’m named after a dingy area of South London. I bet it’s really great though!…especially my skit!” – Mic Norbury

“I’m not in this issue because I sent my copy in too late, so it’s probably really shit. I bet it picks up next week when my skit about taking a dump gets published though!” – Bill Jago

“My graphics and artwork was the laughing stock of the entire United Kingdom until I picked up a copy of the brilliantly illustrated, Soz Satire Halloween edition. Now I’ve been nominated for the Turner Prize and have been asked to turn out for Sheffield United Ladies in their forthcoming FA cup third round tussle with Manchester City” – The Artful Dodger

To get your copy of the scintillating and life-changing Halloween issue simply click this link and we guarantee your whole world will start rocking almost immediately…in all probability.

http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire

No blacks, Irish, Staffordshire Bull Terriers or Millwall fans.

Clivey