Wave Of Apathy Sweeps Nation As Satirical Mag Announces Halloween Edition

soz halloween edition FP

I bet you can’t wait can you? *cocks pistol*
 
http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire

There was practically no reaction at all on Tuesday of this week as Soz Satire, a satirical magazine famed for it’s anonymity and risibly poor content, announced the forthcoming launch of their Halloween edition.

Editor-in-chief, Clivey Dee, 21, told an empty press conference in York Hall Bethnal Green.

“The lack of reaction has been absolutely astonishing. We haven’t been as studiously ignored as this since we launched the Bumper Xmas Edition in 2012! In fact I’d go as far as to say that the sheer apathy, combined with a kind of hurtful refusal to even acknowledge our existence, has taken our breath away.

“To be honest we can’t wait to get cracking on the November Guy Fawkes issue. The prospect of miserably  looking at the turgid viewing stats each day, and the crestfallen looks on the faces of the writers when they realise no bugger wants to read their dismal output somehow makes it all worthwhile”

The magazine the critics have dubbed “The Kim Jong-un of humorous publications” due to it’s worldwide unpopularity, did receive one or two grudging testimonials after going to press however:

“Hot damn! Are you serious? This is awesome news! I’ve been giving those limey sonsofbitches a wide berth for years!”The Onion

“Fuck’s sake! This is absolutely fucking diabolical! Ignored by millions you say? Those poor cunts!”The Salvation Army War Cry

“Tragic news which has saddened us all at these offices. I always found their work wonderfully uplifting, flashing and winking like a prism and yet redolent with the acrid stench of decay and death”The Beano

“EYE CANT REED BUT EYE’M SORREE EVREEBODY FINKS THEY ARE SHIT”The Times Higher Educational Supplement

“Christ my bloody joints are killing me!”The Rheumatism And Arthritis News

“A shocking blow to the world of quality satire. My thoughts are with their families at this difficult time. I wonder what colour panties they were all wearing when they were given a wide berth on the internet” Women And Animals

“Can ye no see ahm too drunk tae comment ye barmpot! Noo get tae fuck oot o’ here ya fuggin’ bashtas yersh!”The Scotsman

“I have never seen eet. But for zem eet must be veree deeficult to take”The Arsene Wenger Bugle incorporating Popular Optician.

So if you’d like to see for yourself what none of the fuss is about, click this link shortly before bedtime to guarantee yourself an absolutely first class night’s kip.

http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire

Warning: This magazine may contain traces of humour but I wouldn’t bank on it if I were you.

Clivey

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18 Comments

Filed under Humor, Humour, Satire, Soz Satire Magazine

18 responses to “Wave Of Apathy Sweeps Nation As Satirical Mag Announces Halloween Edition

  1. Reblogged this on mikesteeden and commented:
    In point of fact Arsene Wenger reads this mag whilst taking a number two! He told me himself he thinks it’s ‘quality’ – bloody shame he can’t read English really!

    Like

  2. The last line made me roar the most!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. the lavatory has always been my library

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Runny Porridge

    A wave of apathy? Is that possible, I mean, I couldn’t be arsed myself.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Reblogged this on SOZ SATIRE and commented:
    That’s all folks!

    Like

  6. Who? What?” – The Mad Hatters

    Like

    • Now don’t be unkind Nobbly. Any more hurtful brickbats and I may be forced to ask you to contribute!!!

      Like

      • Never! D’ya hear me, Sir – Never!
        It is beneath my morals to contribute to such filth and depravity. On this occasion, I shall rise above taking offence, but should you make such a threat again, I shall most certainly do so. You will notice that my high code of humour ethics also prevents me from adding the obligatory “… and be back when it’s dark for the gate as well.”

        Good day to you, Sir.

        [reasonable rates for contributed copy – for details apply: Tytephist and Fuckem, Chartered Accountants]

        Like

  7. ratty

    I think he meant contribute financially, Nobbly.
    Whoa . . . Where’d he go ? ? ?

    Like

    • Good god, man! That’s even worse.

      Lowering my moral standards is one thing, but lowering the mass of the old Nobbly piggy bank is beyond the pale. Unthinkable.

      Like

      • Now look here you blackguards! If you think I’m going to prostitute my art for pecuniary gain you have another think coming! Why I outta…

        Shall we say 1/6d per word? And that’s my final offer! *fume*

        Like

      • 1/6d. Now that would be one sixth of a Dee, I assume.

        Is it the sixth of him that contains the area where he hides his wallet, I ask myself. If so, I’ll have to employ cheap but non-choosy and disreputable labour to retrieve it and then clean it afterwards. (This is what’s known as money laundering….)

        ratty, me old mate – are you in gainful employment at the moment?

        Like

      • Just to be serious for a moment (attaches electrodes to genitals and bites down hard on lollystick) both you and Ratty know your way round a keyboard and have a well-honed sense of humour, so if you fancy sending me some copy of a satirical, or hoomerus nature, I’ll be more than happy to publish it in Soz magazine which is where I’ll be for the foreseeable future and beyond. WordPress is a turgid, slowly churning, little whirlpool of utter mediocrity, peopled by Dunning-Kruger Syndrome sufferers and fawning sycophants who honestly believe that the more “likes” and comments they get, the more sublime their output becomes. In short chaps, I’m out of here and I’m taking my ancient, battered old laptop with me. Apart from Fridays when I shall use LOMM and Soz Satire to plug the mag. I’m utterly unscrupulous you see? *lights pipe, throws back head and emits maniacal cackle*

        Like

      • Never! D’ya hear me, Sir – Never!
        It is beneath my morals to contribute to such filth and…. oh, go on then.

        Regular Madhatters readers will know my opinion of the LIKE facility, so I’m with you there. the only time I have ever used it is to boost my own ego by unfortunately, clumsily and entirely acsidentalally LIKe-ing one of my own comments. Well, maybe two when I was being particularly accidentally egotesticle.

        Like

      • If you DO fancy sending in some hilarious copy mate you have my gmail. 400 words or less of sheer comic genius if you please old horse. Same goes for Rattypops.
        Here’s a link to the mag so you can see the type of utter bilge we rather shamefacedly publish and promote:

        http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire

        There’s no “liking” and no commenting allowed from the great unwashed by the way. Still you don’t like to grumble too much do you?

        Like

  8. ratty

    Egotesticle [Noun – or something] relating to the state of mind experienced by someone who believes their own bollocks.

    Like

PLEASE BE GENTLE. WE SATIRISTS CAN DISH IT OUT BUT WE CAN'T TAKE IT.

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