Nippled in the butt…

Another diary entry by Kim Jong Un, Supreme Leader of North Korea.

 

Dear Diary,

I almost had my wife shot today.

The thing is, I have a third nipple, but only she knows about it. Well, she and my dead dad, but he’s dead now, so that leaves her. Or so I thought.

My wife had promised me to never tell anyone about my third nipple. But then I was busy rewriting the Wikipedia article about me (someone keeps undoing my changes by the way, which is irritating). It said on Wikipedia I had a third nipple.

The only person that knows about my third nipple is my wife, so she must have been the one who put it on Wikipedia. So I had my wife arrested, which was awkward, because we were having breakfast together when the police came for her.

I was already looking for a new wife on Craigslist when one of my generals came in. He told me he had sent some emails back and forth and had found out someone in America had changed the Wikipedia article as a joke.

“But now everybody knows about it,” I said.
“You mean you actually have a third nipple, my Supreme Leader?” my general asked.
That moment was kind of awkward too.

So now two people know about my third nipple: my wife and a general. I trust my wife will never tell anybody. Now I don’t know if I should execute my general or make a law requiring everybody in North Korea to have a third nipple. I had my general arrested for using the internet and sent him to prison camp for six months, so I have some time to think it over.

Your one and unly,

Kimmy

P.S.
It says on Wikipedia Chandler from FRIENDS has a third nipple too and he’s a very funny guy, like me.

 

This ferocious attack on the supremest of supreme leaders comes courtesy of Lennard van Ree of Satire Nation.

Editor’s Note:  I claim all the credit for the line “I had my general arrested for using the internet”. Without me Lenny would never have thought of it. I don’t care what he says. Do you hear me goddamit???

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12 Comments

Filed under Humor, Humour, Satire

12 responses to “Nippled in the butt…

  1. Well, this post just made me click that Follow button. Good stuff!

    Like

  2. Now I know about his third nipple too. I think I hear the sirens already…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The old clincher for me was “I had my general arrested for using the internet”
    I shall now go into the edit suite and claim authorship of that line.
    Have a nice day.
    Clivey.

    Like

  4. I knew a girl back in high school who had a third nipple. I think you guys would make a great match.

    Like

  5. My Ifor Williams HB505 horse trailer has a grease nipple. It’s right on top of the hitch damper mechanism, and when you hitch it up to the old Land Rover, it gives you a rather unconvincing rendition of ‘You’re the one that I want’. I find it vaguely amusing.

    What does the Supreme Leader’s nipple do to enhance his everyday life, eh?

    Liked by 2 people

  6. As an aside to all this old tosh, but still in context re: old Kimmy – could I say that your “Respect my Authoritah” piccie is possibly the funniest image to have ever appeared on the internet?

    Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Coincidentally, the Duke of Argyll also had a third nipple. Funny old world.

    Like

PLEASE BE GENTLE. WE SATIRISTS CAN DISH IT OUT BUT WE CAN'T TAKE IT.

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