Another diary entry by Kim Jong Un, Supreme Leader of North Korea.
I almost had my wife shot today.
The thing is, I have a third nipple, but only she knows about it. Well, she and my dead dad, but he’s dead now, so that leaves her. Or so I thought.
My wife had promised me to never tell anyone about my third nipple. But then I was busy rewriting the Wikipedia article about me (someone keeps undoing my changes by the way, which is irritating). It said on Wikipedia I had a third nipple.
The only person that knows about my third nipple is my wife, so she must have been the one who put it on Wikipedia. So I had my wife arrested, which was awkward, because we were having breakfast together when the police came for her.
I was already looking for a new wife on Craigslist when one of my generals came in. He told me he had sent some emails back and forth and had found out someone in America had changed the Wikipedia article as a joke.
“But now everybody knows about it,” I said.
“You mean you actually have a third nipple, my Supreme Leader?” my general asked.
That moment was kind of awkward too.
So now two people know about my third nipple: my wife and a general. I trust my wife will never tell anybody. Now I don’t know if I should execute my general or make a law requiring everybody in North Korea to have a third nipple. I had my general arrested for using the internet and sent him to prison camp for six months, so I have some time to think it over.
Your one and unly,
It says on Wikipedia Chandler from FRIENDS has a third nipple too and he’s a very funny guy, like me.
This ferocious attack on the supremest of supreme leaders comes courtesy of Lennard van Ree of Satire Nation.
Editor’s Note: I claim all the credit for the line “I had my general arrested for using the internet”. Without me Lenny would never have thought of it. I don’t care what he says. Do you hear me goddamit???