Another diary entry by Kim Jong Un, Supreme Leader of North Korea.
I was checking my mail online when I saw this:
I’m glad North Koreans don’t have internet. They would be so offended if they saw it. It’s not like North Koreans don’t have a sense of humor. They have a great sense of humor!
I for one am quite the comedian. That’s what I’m known for in North Korea. I even did stand-up for my wife once and I have never seen her laugh so hard.
My scientists sometimes use internet, but only Wikipedia. I have a general checking that for me. But today I realized nobody is checking this general. And he has internet! So now there is a chance he has seen this:
So tomorrow I’m going to hire a corporal to spy on my other general. A corporal is lower in rank, but that’s why people won’t suspect him spying. Though there may come a day I must find a general to spy on my corporal spying on my general spying on my scientists.
Sometimes it’s complicated to run a country.
Maybe I should also hire someone to spy on me, just to be sure. Or I should hire someone to hire someone else to spy on me, so I don’t know who it is.
Oh wait, I did that once. That’s when every day a traveling sales man showed up at my doorstep. I had him shot on the third day. It was starting to piss me off.
I think I’ll just make funnier internet things instead. That way people won’t look for the old ones anymore. Here’s one I just came up with:
Your one and unly,
If a diver drowns on the bottom of the ocean and there’s no one around to see it, does he really drown?
This vicious attack on Kim Jong Un’s widely lauded integrity comes from Lennard van Ree of Satire Nation.