The Bourne Supreme Leader

 Another diary entry by Kim Jong Un, Supreme Leader of North Korea.

 

Dear diary,

I like the Spice Girls. My favorite song goes like Viva forever, I’ll be waiting, everlasting, like the sun. Live forever, for the moment, ever searching, for the un. I wanted to play it on my dead dad’s funeral, but one of my dad’s final wishes was that my uncle Jang Sung-taek would pick the music. He chose poorly.

I asked the Spice Girls if they wanted to come to North Korea, but I haven’t heard back from them yet. Maybe they are busy. Or maybe they’re fighting again.

Ginger is my favorite. I was sorry when she left the group. I was one of the many people that didn’t buy their third album.

Things just weren’t the same without Geri.

If I wasn’t so busy leading North Korea, I would probably be in a boy band. I once asked my generals and they think I have the hair for it. I’m also quite the singer. That’s what I’m known for in North Korea. My wife used to be a singer and we often sing together. I make her sing Viva Forever sometimes.

It made me wonder why no one else in North Korea seems to like the Spice Girls. My advisors told me it was forbidden in North Korea. I said that was ridiculous. My senior advisor soon agreed with me. He even said we could make money selling CD’s. North Korea is the only country where people don’t have internet, so people will still buy CD’s.

So now we’re buying CD’s for cheap on Ebay and are selling them for lots of money, so the people of North Korea can enjoy the Spice Girls too. We’re making a huge online profit this way.

I love the smell of Paypal in the morning.

But then my mind went on. With no internet, we can also sell videotapes. My advisors were really happy with me and they told me I could buy BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO for like 10 dollars.

So I did. I bought BLOCKBUSTER, but I changed the name to SUPREME LEADER VIDEO.

This is what it’ll look like. My advisors tell me I’m the Supreme Graphic Designer.

I am so happy I bought something American. I said I want to buy Nebraska too, but my advisors told me that ain’t worth shit.
I believe them.

As it turned out, BLOCKBUSTER only has capitalist movies, which are forbidden. So we replaced them all with North Korean films like The Bourne Supreme Leader, The Night of the Living Supreme Leaders and The Last of the Supreme Leaders, which is about me.

Your one and unly,

Kimmy.

P.S.
I was also told North Koreans don’t have video or DVD players, so I made a law that says everybody has to buy one so paying for a movie at SUPREME LEADER VIDEO makes sense. I want to buy TARGET for that, but each time I say ‘I want Target’ people get nervous.

 

This cynical character assassination of a wonderful human being comes courtesy of Lenny Van Ree & Satire Nation.

 

 

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4 Comments

Filed under Humor, Humour, Satire

4 responses to “The Bourne Supreme Leader

  1. sozsatire

    At the risk of sounding like a fawning sycophant who actually believes his own work will be made better in some way by making irritating, time-consuming comments, the old clincher for me was “My senior advisor soon agreed with me”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well done, you picked up on that, cause I remember that being my favorite line as well when I coughed this one up. (Once again I do apologize for my tardy replies…I intend to focus more time on blogging again soon!)

    Like

    • leagueofmentalmen

      Hey no worries at all Lenny! I know you have your hands full with work issues so it’s bloody good of you to post anything to be honest!
      I can always raid your excellent blog for copy if you’re too busy anyway. In actual fact I did just that yesterday and have another Kimmy gem in the good ole pending bay 😀
      Have a great day my friend and thanks
      Clivey.

      Like

  3. Great (fuckin’) Post.

    Liked by 1 person

PLEASE BE GENTLE. WE SATIRISTS CAN DISH IT OUT BUT WE CAN'T TAKE IT.

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