Lil’ Kimmy: Diary Of A Dictator

 

Dear Diary,

The decadent West has come up with another way to raise money for charity. It’s called the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.

Famous people are presented with two options: Either pay 100 dollars to charity or have a bucket of ice water emptied over their heads and pay only 10 dollars:

I think it’s interesting that people get the feeling they’re helping other people by throwing a bucket of ice water over their heads.

I wish someone would challenge me one day. I would love to make a Youtube video of me accepting the Ice Bucket Challenge. That way the world could see I have a sense of humor and that, like most rich people, I’d rather shower in ice water than give money to charity.

I asked my lead advisor to film me as I poured a bucket of ice over my body, but he advised against it.

My lead advisor says the Ice Bucket Challenge wouldn’t work in North Korea.

First of all I was informed very few North Korean citizens have 4 gallons of water to spare. Second I was told people don’t have enough electricity to make ice cubes. Third, my lead advisor told me North Koreans generally can’t afford 100 dollars for charity. Or 10 dollars for that matter.
Also, no one had challenged me, so I was told it would be silly of me to dance in ice water when no one had asked me to.

Apparently most North Koreans can’t participate in the Ice Bucket Challenge, because they don’t have any ice or money.

That made me sad. I heard this ice bucket thing has already raised millions of dollars. It even got Barack to pay for charity.

And all it takes is a bank account, a Youtube account and a bunch of people who’ll do anything silly in exchange for not being held accountable for anything.

The West is a funny place. Whatever those people do with their money, it always ends up being more somehow. I really wish I could get in on that. Whenever I want money I always have to ask someone to get it for me. That’s not half as fun as I imagine a bucket of ice cubes can be.

My lead advisor advised me to just let this whole bucket thing go by. That bummed me out. A few years ago I wanted to have a go at planking because everybody was doing it, but my lead advisor at the time said I didn’t have the body for planking. It was the last advice that lead advisor ever gave me.

I really wish one day there will be an internet meme I can be part of. Who knows, I might even enjoy making money for charity.

Your one and unly,

Kimmy

P.S.
I was just informed someone tried to hack my computer. My lead advisor said I should probably stop using Internet Explorer and upgrade from Windows 98 to XP. I’m glad I caught it in time this time. I would hate for the world to get access to my computer. Imagine people reading my diary!

This bruising character assassination of one of the sweetest guys that ever drew breath is entirely down to the twisted ego of Lenny Van Ree and his decadent, imperialist website, Satire Nation.