Lil’ Kimmy: Diary Of A Young Dictator

kimmy with live dog

kimmy dead dog

Before And After pics of Barack

 

Dear diary,

Last week I tried to dispose of my wife, but she blackmailed me into staying together.

So I bought a dog. I figured having a dog would be good for me. I heard a dog teaches people about responsibility. Being Supreme Leader having a dog seemed like good exercise.
Also, I felt I could use the love. Ever since my wife found out about me trying to oust her as a traitor she’s been giving me the cold shoulder.

When I was a kid I always wanted a dog, but my dead dad always said I couldn’t have one. I think he may have been afraid of dogs, because not one of his generals was ever allowed to own a dog. In fact, one of my advisors recently told me only executioners are allowed to have dogs in North Korea.

But now my dad is dead and I love dogs, so I changed the law and bought one. It’s a brown Labrador. It arrived in the mail yesterday.

I named it Barack.

I can’t say Barack and I hit it off well. At first Barack picked up a ping pong ball he had found and dropped it in front of my feet. So I grabbed the ball and told one of my maids to clean it and store it in the gift room, or parliament as my dead dad used to call it.
But then Barack started barking at me because he wanted back his ball, so I said: “No Barack, this is my ball now!”
That didn’t sit well with Barack. He started growling and looked at me as if he was about to attack.
That’s when I said: “I’m not afraid of you, Barack.”
That’s when Barack turned around and urinated over my legs.

My advisors tell me it’s not uncommon for dogs to pee over people’s legs, but when I said Barack meant it personal my advisors agreed I should probably have him put down.

So that’s what we did.

I think maybe dogs are not a good way to teach people about responsibility, because dogs don’t always listen.
I learned that much.

Your one and unly,

Kimmy

 

P.S.
I just saw Independence Day for the first time in years. I really like how America gets totally destroyed. There is this one scene where people are running through a tunnel, chased by this giant fireball. Only a stripper, her son and a Labrador survive. Thousands of other Americans are obliterated, but not the dog. I love that scene.

This cynical character assassination of a wonderful human being comes courtesy of Lenny Van Ree & Satire Nation.

Graphics by The Artful Dodger

 

 

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3 Comments

Filed under Humor, Humour, Satire

3 responses to “Lil’ Kimmy: Diary Of A Young Dictator

  1. When I read the first paragraph I thought that my husband had joined The League of Mental Men and this was his debut blog. Then, when you started with the dog, I thought better of it!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Worthy of certificationalisation this one.
    I like it, nice one.
    TTFN

    Liked by 1 person

PLEASE BE GENTLE. WE SATIRISTS CAN DISH IT OUT BUT WE CAN'T TAKE IT.

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