Gaz & Clivey in “Headless Thick Uns”

clivey & Gaz profile


“Morning Clivey! You alright son?”

Never mind all that sycophantic old toot squire, I’ve come up with a nifty little tickle that’ll see us in clover for the rest of our naturals my old son”

“Blimey! What’s occurring then bruv?”

“We’re going to become global icons Gaz. We’re going to be famous the whole world over son. In short, we’re going viral!”

“What we’re going to start infecting people with ‘orrible diseases mate?”

“Better than that matey! We’re going to make a movie short that will spread across the internet like vegemite on an Aussie Sheila’s toast my old mucker”

“A movie short eh? Lovely job boy! What are we gonna be doing in it then?”

“Beheading son”

“Beheading? Wot chopping people’s ‘eads off and that?”


“Well it sounds alright I suppose but how’s that gonna make us famous mate”

“Screw yer loaf Gaz! Didn’t you read about that Jihadist geezer that cut some yank’s swede off with a sword or sumfink? The boy was all over the web in no bastard time. Twitter, Facebook, Youtube, the full fucking monty squire”

“Yeah I read about that mate. Nasty business if you ask me. So who are we gonna behead then son?”

“Inchy, Mike, Churchmouse and Lenny mate”

“Wot we’re gonna behead all the other LOMM writers mate? That seems a bit harsh”

“Listen dont worry about it me old china. No bugger will notice they’ve gone and we’ll not only be famous on the internet but we’ll have the entire gaff to ourselves son. We can do head to head skits morning, noon and bastard night!”

“Sweet as a nut bruv!” But what about if we get sussed out by Old Bill mate? We’ll get our collars felt and end up spending the rest of our lives behind bars in the old shovel and pick”

“I’ve already thought of that mate. If Lily Law comes after us we’ll go on the run to Rio mate. Just like Ronnie Biggs did when he had it on his toes from Dartmoor chokey. We’ll live like kings mate. Topless birds fanning us with their drawers, endless supplies of pukka grog. We’ll be absolutely quids in cocker”

“Yeah but Ronnie ended up back inside mate. He was in shit state when they finally let the poor bleeder out”

“Yeah it was a shame about Ronnie to be fair Gaz”

“Yeah shame”




Filed under Humor, Humour, Satire

8 responses to “Gaz & Clivey in “Headless Thick Uns”

  1. Probably after having Mike and Inchy not blog for a couple of days someone would get suspicious… Or on second thought, maybe not…

    Liked by 3 people

  2. The topless birds fanning one with their drawers has significantly more appeal than the alternative – I know……I shall put it about that Ronaldo is me. That should sort it out.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Well, anyfyn to ‘elp like yer know.
    I can ask me neighbour to come in and hack mi ‘ead off after I’ve gobbled all me medications on one go like, and then post it to yers?
    Save yer the bother of comin’ to Nottingham to do the deed like?
    Your welcome midduck.
    TTFN (I hope)


  4. Gaz & Clivey go head to head……to head…… to head!


  5. garyhoadley

    Had me in tears, as usual. I hate him…No, I love him…Oh it’s so…*Sob*
    Class mate, as usual.



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