“Shut up you damn coolie!”
Written by Gary Hoadley
Edited In A High Voice by Clivey Dee
“Sir, I have only the small packets of lozenge”
“Not much of a shop, is it”.
“It is an emporium to my regular customers”.
“Bet you don’t have many”.
“Enough to keep my wife in mink coats, Sir.”
“Your wife wears mink!?”
“No, Sir, she gives them to the poor and needy of Scotland”.
“She is from Ireland”
“What’s that got to do with it?”
“Nothing, Sir, I just put it in the conversation.”
“So, you are married to a white woman”.
“No, an Irish woman.”
“But she is, Indian.”
“No, Irish, as I have already stated.”
“Okay, she looks like an Indian.”
“A Paki Christian!?”
“A Christian Sir.”
“You lot get in everywhere.”
“Yes, Catholics are worldwide”.
“No, I meant…”
“I know what you meant, Sir, and I have come to the conclusion
that, no matter how polite, or patient I have been, you still insist
on behaving like a bigoted, ignorant arsehole.
There will be no charge for your purchase, I do not want to tarnish
the money of hard working decent people, in my till, with the coinage
that has been in the hands of detritus…Now please, fuck off.”
“I wont be coming in here again!”.
“Then you do me a great service Sir, good morning”.