Pakistani Pat: An Everyday Story Of Dusky Shopkeeping Folk

 

it aint half hot mum

“Shut up you damn coolie!”

Written by Gary Hoadley
Edited In A High Voice by Clivey Dee

“Sir, I have only the small packets of lozenge”
“Not much of a shop, is it”.
“It is an emporium to my regular customers”.
“Bet you don’t have many”.
“Enough to keep my wife in mink coats, Sir.”
“Your wife wears mink!?”
“No, Sir, she gives them to the poor and needy of Scotland”.
“Why Scotland?”
“She is from Ireland”
“What’s that got to do with it?”
“Nothing, Sir, I just put it in the conversation.”
“So, you are married to a white woman”.
“No, an Irish woman.”
“But she is, Indian.”
“No, Irish, as I have already stated.”
“Okay, she looks like an Indian.”
“A Pakistani”
“A Muslim?”.
“Christian”.
“A Paki Christian!?”
“A Christian Sir.”
“You lot get in everywhere.”
“Yes, Catholics are worldwide”.
“No, I meant…”
“I know what you meant, Sir, and I have come to the conclusion
that, no matter how polite, or patient I have been, you still insist
on behaving like a bigoted, ignorant arsehole.
There will be no charge for your purchase, I do not want to tarnish
the money of hard working decent people, in my till, with the coinage
that has been in the hands of detritus…Now please, fuck off.”
“I wont be coming in here again!”.
“Then you do me a great service Sir, good morning”.

FIN

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9 Comments

Filed under Humor, Humour, Satire

9 responses to “Pakistani Pat: An Everyday Story Of Dusky Shopkeeping Folk

  1. ‘The Reluctant Shopkeeper’ by Ronaldo – jolly good read; 5 stars on Amazon no less!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Where is this shop?
    Henry too has a little bit of a tickle in his throat!
    Ha
    Great post mr league of beleaguered and blah blah blah boomba clart!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Gaz, you never fail to bring a smile to me face mate. Nice one Sir!

    Like

    • garyhoadley

      Cheers Satan, glad you liked it. Clive Danton was locked up to prevent him editing it in a ridiculously high pitch voice.

      Like

PLEASE BE GENTLE. WE SATIRISTS CAN DISH IT OUT BUT WE CAN'T TAKE IT.

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