“GREAT POST!” Miss Bergman pictured getting on people’s nerves in happier times
A 46 year old single female, described as a “serial blog commentator”, was discovered dead in her East London flat last night. Initial reports claim that she had been shot, stabbed, poisoned, electrocuted, hanged and beaten over the head with a heavy object. Police on the scene also revealed that a huge iron weight with “1 TON” painted on the side had been dropped on top of the body.
Det Inspector Jock Birch, of The Metropolitan Police, told reporters “It looks like this poor woman may have made one comment too many. It certainly looks like there were a number of perpetrators and we have to consider the possibility that they jointly conspired to put an end to this lady’s constant stream of banal wittering on their WordPress blogs”
The deceased woman was named as Martha Bergman, unemployed, from Spitalfields East London.
A neighbour of the woman told us last night “She was a bit of a recluse to be honest. She’d stay in her flat for days on end, just commenting on people’s blogs from dawn till dusk, although I’d occasionally see her going out to get a few groceries at weekends. She would always have a tablet in her hand and be tapping away on the keyboard as she walked along. She told me once that she took it everywhere, even to the lavatory, in case one of the blogs she followed made a post that she could comment on. She did have a boyfriend a few years ago but it only lasted a couple of weeks. He told me that she made him tape a smart phone to his forehead so she could comment on WordPress while they had sex. She followed over 10,000 blogs apparently, some of them were in foreign languages too.”
We managed to contact the author of one of the blogs targeted by Mrs Bergman last night. Clivey Dee, 21, the publisher of the popular Soz Satire blog and occasional contributor to, the not so popular, League Of Mental Men, told us
“Dead you say? Oh dear, how sad, never mind. I suppose I’ll just have to get used to being left in peace to write and publish my shit without this bastard woman making inane, unfunny, and teeth-jarringly irritating remarks, seemingly two seconds after a piece of copy has gone up on the poxy reader”
One of the people police are interested in contacting is Gary Hoadley, 97, of West Sussex, a former career criminal and now a student of quantum physics at Sussex University. We managed to track him down to his smallholding near Worthing where he told us, with what appeared to be enormous glee, “No comments. No more fucking comments!” before slamming the door in our faces.
This latest blog-related incident comes just two weeks after an elderly male blogger from the same area was attacked with an iron bar in the street by an unknown assailant. Police believe he may have upset a bereaved family by making the comment “Great Post!” in their blog tribute to their dead 93 year old mother.