Today’s Weather For Facebookers

weather man

“There’s an area of heavy irony moving in from East London babes. Wuff oo!” xoxoxoxoxo.

 

There will be widespread LOLs across the entire region this morning followed by intermittent ((((((HUGS))))) and a few scattered cat pictures.

In the afternoon a deep depression will settle over most parts with a number of boxes containing plagiarised words of wisdom and earnest political dogma, these may bring occasional blurred pictures of hideous looking offspring becoming widespread in some areas.

Towards evening there could be varying amounts of private messages, some of which could be quite heavy, with prolonged attachments containing small amounts of male genitalia bringing long spells of dryness in the female gusset region. Testosterone levels will be particularly low in this area.

Overnight there will be periods of light to heavy vomiting with occasional heavy bursts of incontinence as an area of lager, combined with fizzy white wine, settles over the entire region. These could be interspersed with the odd outbreak of cyber bullying, coupled with intermittent gay threats of violence from blokes with biceps like squashed Jaffa Cakes, and with occasional bursts of light female crying in low IQ areas.

Tomorrow will see another deep depression moving into the region with occasional bed sheet changing which in turn will give way to some thundery outbreaks and high winds in the south resulting in brief periods of furtive underwear hiding.

The outlook for the week ahead is for more of the same but with occasional bursts of yawn-inducing birthday messages combined with the odd crass spelling error and attention-seeking suicide threat.

And now here’s the outlook for the week ahead in WordPress:

It’s a particularly gloomy picture here, with widespread, fawning, “likes” and “follows” moving in, followed by a  deep area of low intelligence and zero self-esteem. Right from the word go there will long outbreaks of truly appalling copy and absolutely risible poetry, bringing heavy gales of laughter, coupled with sporadic periods of taking the piss, particularly in the London area.

And now on Channel 5, it’s time for Big Brother, a programme about a number of beetle-browed, limp dick cretins and surgically “enhanced”, desperate prostitutes, all cooped up together in a house that should really be bombed by the American Air Force with them in it.

Clivey

 

 

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30 Comments

Filed under Satire, The League Of Mental Men

30 responses to “Today’s Weather For Facebookers

  1. I see you left the razor out under a full moon – sharp and staggeringly good satire. Yours, jealous bastard of East Kent

    Liked by 4 people

  2. sozsatire

    Reblogged this on SOZ SATIRE and commented:
    On a scale of 1 to 10 I would probably rate my complete and utter glee when writing this one at about 10 zillion 😀

    Liked by 3 people

  3. garyhoadley

    I shall be writing to the BBC regarding this absurd weather report.
    Mrs Eileen Over
    The rocks
    Dover.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. alienorajt

    From seventies picture of the youthful Michael Fish (in that he ever actually WAS youthful in any true sense of the word!) onwards, this had me chortling in frabjous joy. So acute, it could have been delivered by the scalpel of a famous heart surgeon, it captured with pitiless (thank god – there’s a time and a place for pity, and this ain’t it!) accuracy all that is most egregious about Facebook, WordPress and life generally.
    Sharing immediately.
    Just wish I’d written the bloody thing myself!
    Sporna Salmon (Mrs)

    Liked by 1 person

    • sozsatire

      When I had finished writing this one I found that the broad grin on my face had taken on such a fixed aspect I immediately raced round to the doctor’s surgery for a Tetanus shot. Thanks for the reblog. Mucho appreciado!

      Like

  5. alienorajt

    Reblogged this on ALIEN AURA'S BLOG: IT'LL BLOW YOUR MIND! and commented:
    This, from the incomparable LOMM, should be on the GCSE syllabus, in my opinion! Hilarious, scathing and deeply true, it is satire at its very best. Wish I’d thought of it first!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Reblogged this on Pippakins Hardly Relevant Anywhere File and commented:
    An expert in gutter vomiting

    Like

  7. sozsatire

    Dear American People
    It might be prudent on your part if you were to refrain from trying to engage me in a battle of wits. My fear is that you may well be allowing valour to stifle common sense and thereby be presenting yourselves completely unarmed 😦

    Clivey x

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Fucking brilliant!
    Bravo Bravo Bravo!

    Like

PLEASE BE GENTLE. WE SATIRISTS CAN DISH IT OUT BUT WE CAN'T TAKE IT.

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