“Don’t panic! Don’t panic Captain Mainwaring sir. We’ll bring it back to blighty for you sir”
A build up of British troops and heavy armour was last night reported to be taking place outside the Maracana football stadium in Rio De Janeiro in what is believed to be an audacious bid to seize the World Cup from under the noses of the Germans and the Argentinians, who are due to contest Sunday’s final tie, by military force.
The head of The British Armed Forces, General Rupert Thompson, said last night. “It should be an absolute doddle seizing the World Cup from these foreign johnnies and taking it back to Blighty. After all, we’ve already given the Krauts a damn good thrashing in two world wars, and as for the Argies, it only took us a couple of hours to kick the blighters out of The Falklands. The only slight problem I can foresee is if the Yanks join in and bomb some of our chaps by mistake. I can’t wait for our boys to get stuck into them to be honest”
The sport’s governing body, FIFA, last night held an emergency general meeting during which the Russians demanded the eastern half of the stadium after the fighting is over, while the Italian delegate hurled himself to the ground with his hands behind his head and began asking for his mum.