The CEO and Sales Director of a pay day loan company pictured in the olden days
In what is being seen as a controversial move, the British government have announced plans to give classroom instruction to primary school children on how best to be taken in by unscrupulous pay day loan companies when they reach adulthood.
Lessons will be given on being naively suckered in to signing away your fiscal future and condemning yourself to years of destitution and worry by being fooled by ads featuring puppets of old people dancing around, or cute little talking animals singing along to catchy jingles.
Weeping at night, sick with worry about how you’re going to pay back the extortionate interest payments will also be covered as will how best to dispose of threatening letters and county court summonses without your partner seeing them first.
Advanced students will also be instructed on various suicide methods, including, hanging, overdosing on prescription drugs and jumping in front of trains.
Instruction on county courtroom etiquette, baliff-dodging and how to jump out of your skin and dive under a table whenever there’s a knock at the door will also be given.
A spokesperson for the Exploitative Loansharking Advisory Board said last night. “We welcome any measures that will teach our youngsters how best to fall victim to our heartless, manipulative ploys, and how to deal with the years of misery, depression and destitution that will surely follow. That will be £250.00 + Annual Percentage Rate of 800,000,000% payable by easy weekly instalments of £2000 or the surrender of your home and contents, whichever we think will line our pockets best”