A Guantanamo gym junkie demonstrates perfect form as he completes a gruelling set of hyper-extensions on the way to The Dungeon Of No Return.
Hey fellow detainees! Now just because those yankee infidel sonsofbitches have got your jihadi ass in the slammer that don’t mean you have to let yourself go in the fitness stakes my brothers! Hell no, and this here’s a simple and compact little workout that’s gonna keep you ripped and looking like a million bucks during those naked torture sessions time after time!
Ok here we go boys:
1 – Attack dog curls. When those yankee fucks release a couple of starving German Shepherds into your cell late at night just grab those babies by the collar and slowly curl ’em up to shoulder height, hold and squeeze the bicep at the top of the movement and then lower. 3 sets of 8 reps and those bicep and triceps big guns will be a blazin’ trust me!
2 – Fellow Prisoner Deadlift. This here’s a great movement which will not only strengthen the lats and glutes but will give those abs a pretty mean workout also. If you spot a brother lying dead out in the yard or on the walkway of the cell block, grab that sucker by the collar and ass of his jumpsuit and heave that baby up till you in a standin’ position. Lower and repeat for 12 ass-bustin’ sets of 12. Feels great don’t it?
3 – Perimeter Fence Pull-Ups. Wait till the guards aint looking then run across to the wire fence and give me 2 sets of 10 pull-ups. These will pump up the traps and anterior deltoids just fine boys. Of course you may get your ass shot during this one so best restrict it to just once a fortnight, know what I’m sayin’?
4 – Waterboard Crunches – When those infidel motherfuckers got your candy ass lashed to a plank and they start dippin’ your head into a tank of cold water, take the opportunity to raise your head and shoulders a little, while at the same time flexing those abs. I guarantee that after 7 or 8 years of these babies you’ll have a six pack you’ll be able to strum the Afghanistan national anthem on!
Next Week: Sewer Rat Presses to build truly impressive posterior deltoids, and also a fun and effective tunnel-digging exercise that’ll bring you cardiovascular fitness and a power-packed set of pecs that’ll make the governor’s wife wear out her drawers from the inside every time she sees your muscular ass in the sensory deprivation cell!
Keep smilin’, keep pumpin’ and most of all…Keep jihadin’
Inspired by a Youtube video, “Fitness for the over 50s” by boxing legend Sugar Ray Leonard